I've Learned A Lot

I'm on the road again taking 30 puppies and 4 aduld dogs to Lindenwold and Pompton Lakes, NJ. I hope the snow has melted before I get there. I'll be back to you folks Saturday night.

Also, you don't live sixty-three years and not learn something about life. And I have learned plenty, but I can't remember what most of it is. So when a friend of mine emailed this to me, I thought you might fined something you agree with, or have learned and didn't know it, or you forgot and this refreshes your memory. Anyway, enjoy:

I’ve Learned A Lot
by
Jeanette Lawrence

I’ve learned…… that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

that having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

that you should never say no to a gift from a child.

that I can always pray for someone when I don’t have the strength to help him in some other way.

that no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for.

that it’s those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

that under everyone’s hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

that the Lord didn’t do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

that you can make someone’s day by simply sending them a little note.

that you can tell a lot about a man by how he handles these things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.

that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’ve gone from your life.

that making a ‘living’ is not the same as making a ‘life.’

that life sometimes gives you a second chance.

that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People need and love human touches – holding hands, a warm hug or just a friendly pat on the back.

that I still have a lot to learn.

that sometimes people just need a little something to make them smile and to let them know that you are thinking about them.


Also, I made the offer on the post before last to show you my cods (that’s balls to those of you who don't know what cods are.) So after no responses came pouring in, I decided to show you anyways.

 

CIRCA 1948

Brother Dave at Work

Brother Dave and I have been swapping emails lately and he sent me a picture of him at work. I though you might like to see what he looks like at his daily grind.

 

Does the word RETIREMENT mean anything to you, BD?

DAY AT THE PARK

I have a few pictures I wanted to show you but PISCA will only let me show four pictures at a time. Do any of you know how I can get around this? Not to technical, now. I'm still computer illiterate - even though my mom and dad were married at the time of my birth.

This is me and J-Man starting a ride that takes you over an alligator pit.

 

This is Sweet Tea, J-Man and Bug waiting to get on the same ride.

 

We were walking through the zoo and I saw this black and white monkey and thought I would take a picture. People were laughing, but I wasn't paying attention since people laugh all the time at amusement/zoo parks. It wasn't until I got home that I noticed the monkey had a woodie of his own. Sweet Tea was laughing at me asking didn't I see it before. She though I took the picture because of the woodie.

 

I guess he got tired of people laughing at him so he turned his back. But his arm and back kept jerking. I mean, a man needs his privacy sometimes.

 

If y'all are interested, I'll show you my cods later on, too.

It Just Wasn't In The Stars

We didn’t’ make it to the Manatee universe and the ball game. It just wasn’t in the stars. It started with me picking up the kiddies after school. The plan: pick up Bug when she got out at 3:00 and drive over to J-Man’s middle school to sign him out of band class early. No problem. I kill time around the house until 1:30, when I go to the Waffle House for a bit to eat before I go get the kiddies. After I place my order, Marni calls and tells me I have to be in line by 2:15 to pick up Bug and still have time to get to J-Man’s school before he has to get on the bus. This means I have to go by Marni’s house first to get the window decal for student pickup. SHIT!

I am driving 80 mph to get from my hometown to hers while eating a chicken sandwich. I get to I-75 and I-285 where it gets a little tricky if you don’t know what you are doing. To go right, you must be in the left lane and to go left you must be in the right lane. I was too busy getting my next bit of chicken sandwich and went the wrong way. The way logic would tell you to go. So I had to get off at the next exit, turn around and go the way I needed to go. This involved a right turn at the end of the ramp and three left turns to get back on I-285. But I mad it to Marni’s town at 2:05. I called Carl, who was going to get Bug and told him I would meet him in town to get the pickup card. He told me to go ahead and get J-Man and he would get Bug. Finally, we all met up back at Marni’s house and got on the road to meet Sweet Tea (Me Maw) at the airport.

Sweet Tea was returning from a week in France. That country is six hours ahead of us, and I had to call her at 10:30 EST to wake her up at 4:30 France time. She had to fly from Salzburg, France to Paris with a three hour layover. Then a ten and a half hour flight to Atlanta. She was to arrive at 3:30, but touched down at 4:00. Two hours later she finally got though customs, and another hour before we were able to pick up her luggage. There were many pissed off travelers that night. Anyway, we finally got on the road for Florida around 7:30 p.m. We drove down to Perry, GA, a little over a hundred miles and stopped for supper. We then drove down to Unadilla before Sweet Tea was just about dead. She hadn’t slept in 24 hours, plus the strain and stress of air travel. We got a motel room and tried to sleep on the most fucked up bed I have ever slept in.

The next morning it was drizzling rain and we had a flat tire. Sweet Tea asked if I was going to change it. Silly woman! I told her when Death Valley turned yellow and green from wheat and corn I would change that tire. I told her we have been paying an exorbitant extra $6 a year for roadside coverage and this was the perfect time to reap on that investment.

While we were waiting on the service truck to arrive, I was standing in the doorway of the Motel drinking a cup of coffee. I told ST that it just wasn’t meant for us to go to Florida. She agreed. It seems that she forgot to tell me that when there is heave rains, the park is closed to everyone but the guest because the rivers and lakes tend to flood and stuff. That area had sever thunder showers all day on Friday and that night. So we talked to the kiddies and we decided to go to Valdosta to a park called Wild Adventure.

It was a ball. One of the best decisions we’ve made in many a year. The rain stopped about an hour before we got to the park. On Saturday the park was ours, along with about 300 other people. The good thing was that it was two days for the price of one. So we went back on Sunday and shared it with about a thousand others. We didn’t have to wait on any rides, there is a zoo with kangaroos, emus, wallabies, elephants, bears, birds, monkeys (I have a picture of a monkey masturbating and didn’t know it until I got back home. I’ll post it later) ‘gators and snakes. We got to pet two wolf cubs, several snakes and birds, a pigmy fox and a cockatiel.

It wasn’t in the stars for us to go to Florida, and I believe in the stars. They were right this time. We’ll catch the Manatees next time.

Off To See The Manatees

I’m off to see the wizard again. I will be picking up the grandkids from school today and taking them to the airport to meet Sweet Tea coming in from France. Then we will leave there and head south to Fanning Springs, Florida.

F.S. is a Florida State Park that has some warm springs and is the winter home of the Manatees. I think that is a Southern League AA Baseball team or something. Anyways, there are hot springs there for swimming and nature trails to walk and, I hope, a good baseball game. I am told that you can swim with the Manatees, but I won’t impose and ask for their autographs or anything. I will try to get a few pictures, though. We’ll see!

We’ll be back home Sunday evening. Then I’m off again, on Thursday, to NJ to deliver thirty something puppies to the shelter up there. This will become a monthly or bi-monthly excursion for me. I don’t mind, but I wish I could go to a few different places. I love to see new stuff.

Don’t you think there are some people in Hawaii who would like to have a new spaded or neutered dog or puppy with a microchip that barks with a southern accent? I think there would be. But, NNOOOOO! Dr. Amber says it’s too far to drive. Doctors!!??! They think they are so smart and know everything.

Anyway, the bottom line is that I won’t be online much this week. Wait! What’s that yelling and whistling and clapping I hear? Maybe I need to go lay down for awhile. I’ll check with y’all later.

GREAT TRUTHS

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1. No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize a cat.
2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3. If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4. Never ask our 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5. You can’t trust dogs to watch your feed.
6. Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8. You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9. Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10. The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2. Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3. Families are like fudge… mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4. Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5. Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2. Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3. When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.
4. You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5. It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6. Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7. Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

For You Women

Men are like… LAXATIVES. They irritate the shit out of you.
Men are like… BANANAS. The older they get the less firm they are.
Men are like… VACATIONS. They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like… WEATHER. Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like… BLENDERS. You need one but you’re not sure why.
Men are like… CHOCOLATE BARS. Sweet, smooth and usually heard straight for you hips.
Men are like… COFFEE. The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night.
Men are like… COMMERCIALS. You can’t believe a word they say.
Men are like… DEPARTMENT STORES. Their clothes are always half off.
Men are like… GOVERNMENT BONDS. They take soooo long to mature.
Men are like… HOROSCOPES. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like… MASCARA. They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like… POPCORN. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like… SNOWSTORMS. You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.
Men are like… LAVA LAMPS. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like… PARKING SPOTS. All the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.

Plus:
The Four Stages of a Man’s Life
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus

Menstrual Muse

You may have seen this before, but I received it in my email today. It is supposed to be an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web-mail-award-winning letter – or so the email claims. But this lady is hysterical. What a laugh. Please read on......

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a
bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants; which brings me to the reason for my
letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach
inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there,
printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shit. And that's a promise I will keep. Always!

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

My Dictionary For Those Who Need It

The English language can be very confusing, especially to people learning to speak it as a second language. So, with my vast knowledge and superb education, I am sending out a list of words and their definitions to help in the cause. I mean to be helpful.

1. A CLITORIS is a Type of Flower.
2. A PUBIC HAIR is a Wild Rabbit.
3. A VULVA is a Swedish Vehicle.
4. SPREAD EAGLE is an Extinct Bird.
5. A FALLOPIAN TUBE is part of a T.V.
6. A VAGINA is a Medical Term for Heart Trouble.
7. A MENSTRUAL CYCLE has Three Wheels.
8. A FELLATIO is an Italian Dagger.
9. A G-STRING is par of a Violin.
10. SEAMEN is a term for Sailors.
11. ANUS is the Latin Word for Yearly.
12. TESTICLES are found on an Octopus.
13. CUNNLINGUS is a Person who Speaks Several Languages.
14. ASPHALT describes a Rectal Problem.
15. KOTEX is a Radio Station in Texas.
16. MASTERBATE is used to catch Big Fish.
17. MASTERBATER is the Head Bate Preparer on a Fishing Boat.
18. COITUS is a Musical Instrument.
19. FETUS is a Character on Gun Smoke.
20. An UNBILICAL COARD is part of a Parachute.
21. A CONDOM is an Apartment Complex.
22. When YOU MISS A PERIOD you can use a Semicolon.
23. AN ORGASM is use to Accompany a Choir.
24. A DIAPHRAM is a Geometric Drawing.
25. A DILDO is a Type of Sweet Pickle.
26. An ERECTION is when Japanese Vote.
27. A LESBIAN is From the Middle East.
28. SODOMY is a Type of Fast Growing Grass.
29. PORNOGRAPHY is the Business of Making Records.
30. GENITALS are Non-Jewish Persons.
31. DOUCHE is French for Twelve.
32. AN ENIMA is Someone Not Your Friend.
33. OVARIES is an Egg Dish made with Cheese.
34. SCROTUM is a small Planet next to Uranus.
35. A WET DREAM will not shock you under an Electric Blanket.

Now go forth feeling secure in your ability to communicate with people like me and brother dave and e.craig. We are natural born Master Cunnlinguist.

The Lighter Side

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but they may not be the right thousand words.

It’s better to be looked over than overlooked.

Math illiteracy affects eight out of every five people.

People usually get what’s coming to them… unless it was mailed.

Always write in complete sentences. Always.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Doesn’t “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?

Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don’t own, to make a dish the dog won’t eat.

Trust your first impressions. It seems that thinking only confuses you.

Why pay a dollar for a bookmark? Why not use the dollar for a bookmark?

When the going gets though, everyone leaves.

The sports page records people’s accomplishments; the front page usually records nothing but man’s failures. – Earl Warren

Hanging in the hallway at the High School are the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year – “62-63,” “63-64,” “64-65,” etc. A freshman looking curiously at the photos turned to his buddy and said, “Isn’t it strange how the teams always lost by one point?”

My Country

We have Jimmy Carter to thank for giving our Social Security to immigrants who never paid a dime into it.

We have Cynthia Tucker to thank for totally failing to realize what “illegal” means.

These liberals have turned our country into a welfare “gimme” state that even our great-grandchildren will never stop paying for.

A picture I’d love to have on a T-Shirt!

LET ME MAKE THIS PERFECTLY CLEAR
 
THIS IS MY COUNTRY!

And, because I make this statement DOES NOT mean I'm against immigration!!!

YOU ARE WELCOME HERE IN MY COUNTRY.

Welcome to come through like everyone else has.
Get a sponsor!
Get a place to lay your head!
Get a job!
Live by OUR rules!
Pay YOUR taxes!
And LEARN THE LANGUAGE LIKE ALL OTHER IMMIGRANTS HAVE IN THE PAST!!

AND PLEASE, DON'T DEMAND THAT AMERICANS HAND OVER THEIR LIFETIME SAVINGS OF SOCIAL SECURITY FUNDS TO YOU TO MAKE UP FOR ''YOUR'' LOSSES.

When will AMERICAN'S STOP giving away THEIR RIGHTS???

We've gone so far the other way, bending over backwards not to offend anyone. But it seems no one cares about the AMERICANS who are being offended!

Wake Up Americans; Wake up Congress!

Why Leno Is #1

I have seen this one before, as most of you have, but it is hilarious.
Jay Leno is the best, as good as Carson, and way above the current bunch of emcees. Conan will never be in the same class, and I think NBC should look for someone else to replace Jay when he retires. Conan is not funny. He's zany!

Enjoy!

Quotable Quotes

“Have you ever noticed… anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”... George Carlin

“You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started waling five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is.”... Ellen DeGeneris

“I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”... Rita Rudner

“I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can’t. So I grew hair under my arms instead.”... Sue Kolinsky

“I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No Pain; No Pain.”... Carol Leifer

“I have a great diet. You’re allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.”... Ed Bluestone

“The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you’re off it.”... Jackie Gleason

“I went into a McDonald’s yesterday and said, ‘I’d like some fries.’ The girl at the counter said, ‘Would you like some fries with that?’”... Jay Leno

“I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”... Dave Edison

If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.”... George Goble

“Don’t spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They’ll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents.”... Billiam Coronel

“PCs should have next to the ‘Intel Inside’ sticker, an additional label that says, ‘Best if used by _______’.”... Unknown

“During the heat of the space race in the 1960’s, the U.S. National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) decided it needed a ball-point pen to write in the zero gravity confines of its space capsules. After considerable research and development, the Astronaut Pen was developed at a cost of about $241 million dollars. The pen worked and also enjoyed some modest success as a novelty item back here on Earth. The Soviet Union, faced with the same problem, used a pencil.”... Unknown

“If Bigamy is having one wife too many, Monogamy is the same.”... Oscar Wilde

“The graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”... Unknown

“I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I’m a vegetarian because I have plants.”... A.Whitney Brown

“The Lord’s Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage totaled 26,911 words.”... Dave Barry

“Half of the people in the world are below average.”... Dave Barry

“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s live, she will choose to save the infant’s life without considering if there are men on base.”... Dave Barry

“Somebody hits me; I’m going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn’t eaten in a while.”... Charles Barkley, after blatantly elbowing an Angolan basketball opponent in the Olympics

“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress…but I repeat myself.”... Mark Twain

“A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. ‘Mind if I have a few?’ he asks. ‘No, not at all,’ the woman replied. They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that he had empied the bowl. ‘I’m terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts; I really just meant to eat a few.’ ‘Oh, that’s all right,’ the woman says. ‘Ever since I lost my teeth all I can do is suck the chocolate off them.”... Unknown

Birthday MeMe

Rules:

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
I enjoyed finding this in HoosierGirl's and Brother Dave’sblog.

2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months.

3. Pick your month of birth:
September

4. Highlight the traits that apply to you.
Listed all traits — made remarks.

5. Tag 12 people and let them know by visiting their blogs and leaving a comment for them.
I want tag anymore. I agree with BD, memes should be for those who volunteer their participation.

6. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!
No one tagged me; I’m a volunteer.

Birth Month Traits:
JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
My birth month is:

SEPTEMBER(Libra): Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

Loves to joke: What? Hell no! I’m as serious as an inflamed hemorrhoid.

Attractive: OH YEAH!

Suave and caring: As long as you are agreeable as I am.

Brave and fearless: As long as I am bigger and stronger than they are.

Firm and has leadership qualities: I am very firm and my leadership abilities center around my slogan: “The Beatings Will Continue Until The Moral Improves.”

Knows how to console others: Oh Yes! I gently tell them to get over it and pull your whine ass together.

Too generous and egoistic: Very much so! I’ll give you freely more shit than you can possibly handle because I am the bestest and smartest.

Takes high pride in oneself: What is there not to have pride in?

Thirsty for praises: Not thirsty. Demanding!

Extraordinary spirit: Nah! I’m going to die one day.

Easily angered: Have you not been reading my stuff? What the Hell’s the matter with you? Go on! Get off my blog you peace loving piece loving dove’s ass.

Angry when provoked: Only to the point of killing slowly and painfully.

Easily jealous: Yes! You flirt with one of my women and... well… read the above.

Observant: About what?

Careful and cautious: Only if the husband is expected home soon.

Thinks quickly: Yep! As fast as a… um… you know… a… A BOLT OF LIGHTNING.

Independent thoughts: No! I’ll stay married.

Loves to lead and to be led: Lead to the dinner table and lead to the bed.

Loves to dream: About what?

Talented in the arts, music and defense: Music, if you call farting reveille music.

Sensitive but not petty: I’ll comfort you if you are below me, but will suck up to you if you have more money.

Poor resistance against illnesses: So far I have beaten everything that has come alone except diabetes and an enlarged prostate.

Learns to relax: I don’t have to learn it come nat…zzzzzzzz.

Hasty and trusty: You can trust that I am hasty during sex. Something like, “It won’t hurt, did it?”

Romantic: OH YEAH! Definitely! I tell the ladies, “You’re eyes are like two hen turds in a bowl of clabber.” Or, “Your ears are as cute as mud-flaps on a gophers ass.

Loving and caring: Okay! Go Ahead!

Loves to make friends: What! Meet someone else to borrow money from me and use my tools. No Thanks!

Points To Ponder About Hillary

This was an e-mail I received today from a friend. As it says, Dick Morris worked with the Clintons. He was the one who said that when Hillary said that she had more experience because she had eight years in the White House. Dick said, “So did the baker.”


Subject: Facts to Ponder... What has happened to common sense?

The Democrats are Coming

by Dick Morris, former political advisor to President Bill Clinton


If you happen to see the Bill Clinton five-minute TV ad for Hillary in which he introduces the commercial by saying that he wants to share some things we may not know about Hillary's background . . . beware .

As I was there for most of their presidency and know them, better than just about anyone, I offer a few corrections;

LIE 1. Bill says: 'In law school Hillary worked on legal services for the poor.'
The facts are: Hillary's main extra-curricular activity in law school was helping the Black Panthers, on trial in Connecticut for torturing and killing a federal agent. She went to court every day as part of a law student monitoring committee trying to spot civil rights violations and develop grounds for appeal.

LIE 2. Bill says: 'Hillary spent a year after graduation working on a children's rights project for poor kids.'
The facts are: Hillary interned with Bob Truehaft, the head of the California Communist Party. She met Bob when he represented the Panthers and traveled all the way to San Francisco to take an internship with him.

LIE 3. Bill says: ’Hillary could have written her own job ticket, but she turned down all the lucrative job offers.'
The facts are: She flunked the DC bar exam, yes, flunked, it is a matter of record, and only passed the Arkansas bar. She had no job offers in Arkansas, none, and only got hired by the University of Arkansas Law School at Fayetteville because Bill was already teaching there. She did not join the prestigious Rose Law Firm until Bill became Arkansas Attorney General and was made a partner only after he was elected Arkansas Governor.

LIE 4. Bill says: 'President Carter appointed Hillary to the Legal Services Board of Directors and she became its chairman.'
The facts are: The appointment was in exchange for Bill's support for Carter in his 1980 primary against Ted Kennedy. Hillary then became chairman in a coup in which she won a majority away from Carter's choice to be chairman.

LIE 5. Bill says: 'She served on the board of the Arkansas Children's Hospital.'
The facts are: Yes she did. But, her main board activity, not mentioned by Bill, was to sit on the Wal-Mart board of directors, for a substantial fee. She was silent about their labor and health care practices.

LIE 6. Bill says: ‘Hillary didn’t succeed at getting health care for all Americans in 1994 but she kept working at it and helped to create the Children's Health Insurance Program (CHIP) that provides five million children with health insurance.'
The facts are: Hillary had nothing to do with creating CHIP. It was included in the budget deal between Clinton and Republican Majority Leader Senator Trent Lott. I know; I helped to negotiate the deal. The money came half from the budget deal and half from the Attorney Generals' tobacco settlement. Hillary had nothing to do with either source of funds

LIE 7. Bill says: ’Hillary was the face of America all over the world.'
The facts are: Her visits were part of a program to get her out of town so that Bill would not appear weak by feeding stories that Hillary was running the White House. Her visits abroad were entirely touristic and symbolic and there was no substantive diplomacy on any of them.

LIE 8. Bill says: ’Hillary was an excellent Senator who kept fighting for children's and women’s issues.'
The facts are: Other than totally meaningless legislation like changing the names on courthouses and post offices, she has passed only four substantive pieces of legislation. One set up a national park in Puerto Rico. A second provided respite care for family members helping their relatives through Alzheimer's or other conditions. And two were routine bills to aid 911 victims and responders which were sponsored by the entire NY delegation. Presently she is trying to have the US memorialize the Woodstock fiasco of 40 years ago.

Here is what bothers me more than anything else about Hillary Clinton. She has done everything possible to weaken the President and our country (that's you and me!) when it comes to the war on terror.

1. She wants to close GITMO and move the combatants to the USA where they would have access to our legal system.

2. She wants to eliminate the monitoring of suspected Al Qaeda phone calls to/from the USA.

3. She wants to grant constitutional rights to enemy combatants captured on the battlefield.

4. She wants to eliminate the monitoring of money transfers between suspected Al Qaeda cells and supporters in the USA.

5. She wants to eliminate the type of interrogation tactics used by the military & CIA where coercion might be used when questioning known terrorists even though such tactics might save American lives.

One cannot think of a single bill Hillary has introduced or a single comment she has made that would tend to strengthen our country in the War on Terror.

But, one can think of a lot of comments she has made that weaken our country and makes it a more dangerous situation for all of us.

Bottom line: She goes hand in hand with the ACLU on far too many issues where common sense is abandoned.

Pass this on. Thanks for reading this to the end. MY words: We must not forget these facts so quickly as to sell our Nation short. Thank you GOD for Emails; we could never count on our News media.

I have heard all this before, but this is the first time I have seen it in print by a former Clinton supporter and Democrat. If any of this is wrong, Brother Dave will correct it. I do not intend to mislead, but I do intend to fight Socialism as hard as I can.

Stress - Don't Want It

Stress training for the day.

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 250g. to 700g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it."

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance."

"In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow."

"Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you
can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy!"

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

1 Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

2 Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5 If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 Never buy a car you can't push.

9 Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15 You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to on person.

16 Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

17 We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

The most wasted day of all is that on which we have not laughed -
Nicholas Chamfort

Back Home Again

It was great. Really busy and fun. I worked in the same precinct that we vote in, and got to meet new neighbors, see friends we don’t normally get to see, and marveled at their choice of parties. I spent most of my time on the “accelerated voter” machines.

This is the machine that initiates and builds your voter card. There is no way to coordinate your vote with any information other than your party choice. So don’t worry about Big Brother knowing how you voted.

I played a game with myself (which I won, by the way) were I would try to guess the party affiliate before I looked them up on the computer. The process is, for those of you who do not vote or do not have computer voting abilities, is you come in the door, go to a table and fill out a card that has your name, address, and, for this election, your party choice (either Dem or Rep – no Ind.) The people at the table will verify that you have filled out your card correctly, they check your photo id, and initial the card. The card is then brought to me. I key in your last name, and your first name if needed. I check the party you are choosing (this determines which names and issues will be loaded on your card for the voting machine,) and hit enter. The card comes out and you take it to the machine. When you insert the card, the needed information comes up on the screen (and your name and stuff is not on the card.) After you have made your choices you touch “Cast Ballot.” The card comes back out and you give it back to me to be used over again. Simple!

But occasionally you have to help some people with the process. We can help them up to the selection screen. We then MUST walk away. You vote is secret, know only to you and God and the little camera I installed behind you. Just kidding! Only you and any person you choose to tell.

We had quiet a few first time voters. High School Seniors came by after school and voted. I was really amazed that almost all of them marked Republican. Maybe there is still a voice for freedom somewhere in the Liberal government run schools. One lady who was born in 1925 (83 years old for you government school graduates) was voting FOR THE FIRST TIME. She was so cute. She was maybe 5’5” and 90 lbs. She talked real loud and tickled me to death. Let me say, first, that we, the pollsters, are not allowed to talk about the candidates, the parties, the issues, anything. We have to be impartial. Some people come in and make comments, but we have to deflect or ignore them. If you keep on talking about what is on the ballot, we have to ask you not to do it or ask them to leave the premises until you can come in a vote ONLY. So this little lady told me she was 83 years old (that’s 1925 for you government school graduates) and that this was her first time voting. She ask if I could make sure she marked her card correctly and said, in her loud voice, “I want to make sure I don’t vote for that Clinton woman or the man with the big ears.” All I could do was tell her that neither of those candidates would be on her ballot and she was free to vote on the Republican ticket. She ask if either of those two were Republicans. I said no, and helped her to the booth. When I turned back to the table, everyone in the place had smiles on their face. No one yelled foul play or anything. They were just as impressed with the lady as I was.

Occasionally, there are some who come in that you want to grab by the collar and slap some since into their thick skulls. A couple move here from Virginia where the have lived for a year and a half – and where they registered to vote. The moved back to the area, brought in a two year old voter registration card and were upset that they couldn’t vote. For your information, if you register in another precinct, town, city, or state, your precinct is notified of your new location and you are taken off the roles in the old place. They didn’t reregister, and thought that having the card would be proof that they had once voted here. They could not get it through their thick skulls that they could only vote in Virginia, if they could get back up there in time.

Enough! I know you are bored for now, but it was a fun and tiring day. Over 13 hours! Plus the delivery and pick up of the machines. The highlight of picking up the machines was the lunch we had at one of the elementary schools. It was such a treat watching the little yard apes get their meals, walk to their tables with all the authority a child can muster and sit at a table. It is their world, after all. They would skip seats and tell a friend to sit across from them. Then I noticed that they had to sit boy, girl, boy, girl. So the girls would try to sit across from each other. The boys didn't care. They were just so damn cute.

Buy! Later!

Too Busy To Write

This will be a busy week for me. I am working the elections for Cherokee County, so I won’t be around for you to abuse until Thursday.

Today I was on a truck with two other old geezers delivering and setting up the electronic voting machines. There were ten to twelve machines per precinct. In setting them up, the legs had to be unfolded, pilled out and locked then set upright. I was on and off my knees more times than a Catholic and a Mass marathon.

Then we had to wire the machines for electrical power, then run a steel cable though the handles to keep someone from stealing them. We had ten precincts to deliver. We started at 7:00 a.m. in the pouring rain. We finished at 4:30 in the humid heat well know in the South. I was sweating like a lumberjack whore on payday.

Tomorrow, at 6:00 a.m., I will report to my precinct for my Election Day duties. I have done this before and, although it is a long day, it is fun seeing and meeting the people as they come through. It will end around 9:00 p.m. tomorrow night. Then I will have to go back and pick up the voting machines on Wednesday. Another nine or ten hours.

I’m not complaining, mind you. I enjoy working with the fellows and visiting the schools and churches. But it is more continuous work than I am use too since I have retired. I am soar and stiff right now. And I want be at the computer as much. So be kind to me until I get back and can defend myself.

Later dudes and duddets!

I'm Proud

A recent study found the average American walks about 900 miles per year.

Another study found Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of beer a year.

That means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind of makes you proud to be an American.

I'm A Dork - Really

I’m a dork. I know it. I’m not smart enough to be a geek. Just a dork! Over at RWA’s place, he entertained us with 25 of songs that mean something to him. He did it through a meme. And at my niece (Coffeycup) site, she talks about the arts and music all the time. It is a big part of her life. And at one time it was a big part of my life too. In high school during the late 50’s to early 60’s I lived for the radio. But aside from a few country songs, I have gotten away from the world of arts. Talk Radio is my forte, now.

But there are two songs that I love to hear anytime. Back in the early 50’s my sister bought a HiFi with her first paycheck. She bought us our first television with the next check. Three channels that stayed on till the 11:00 news went off the air. Rabbit ears, snow and fuss. And black-n-white!

But being a kid who loved his cowboy heroes (and their horses) and being at the church door every time it opened, the only place we had then of socializing with the kids our age, I would wonder about the cowboys on the cattle drives. They didn’t have a church to go to. If they died on the trail, or was shot down in a saloon, would they go to hell? Important concerns for a ten year old dork. Anyway, my sister brought some 33 1/3 albums home, and one of them was Vaughn Monroe. In that album I learned that the cowboys had their own way of worshiping. It was through music! To this day this is one of my favorite songs. It brings back memories of a different era and a fun childhood wearing gun belts and imaginary horses and fighting the Indians and bad guys and stuff. Since then, Johnny Cash has made the song famous, being heard on C&W stations all the time. But this was the first:



One of the old westerns stared Dean Martin, Ricky Nelson and John Wayne. Rio Bravo! Dean Martin is one of my favorite singers of yesterday. He made singing look so easy. He never seemed to strain for any note and was just damn cool. But of all the songs he sang on all the movies he was in, this song comes to mind every time I hear his name. Just this one. I still like to her him sing, but this is what comes to mind when I hear Dean Martin.



See! I told you I was a dork. I have a few more, like Cool Water, Rawhide, Flying to the Danger Zone from Top Gun. Now you know why I’m not invited to many parties.