Wednesday, October 23, 2013

ONE-LINER QUESTIONS THAT KEEPS ME AWAKE AT NIGH:














Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
Doesn't “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?
Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?
Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do we park on a driveway & drive on a parkway?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?


Now, do you have any?

Monday, October 14, 2013

The Art Of Rock Balancing



Michael Grab is an artist that has been 'rock balancing' since 2008.  Much of his recent work has been done around the Boulder, Colorado area.  Grab---yes, that's his real name---finds the process both spiritual and therapeutic.

Grab explains:


"The most fundamental element of balancing in a physical sense is finding some kind of 'tripod' for the rock to stand on.  Every rock is covered in a variety of tiny to large indentations that can act as a tripod for the rock to stand upright, or in most orientations you can think of with other rocks.  By paying close attention to the feeling of the rocks, you will start to feel even the smallest clicks as the notches of the rocks in contact are moving over one another.

“Parallel to the physical element of finding tripods, the most fundamental non-physical element is harder to explain through words.  In a nutshell, I am referring to meditation, or finding a zero point or silence within yourself.

“Some balances can apply significant pressure on your mind and your patience.  The challenge is overcoming any doubt that may arise."

The author of this email goes on to state, “I was skeptical when first viewing these.  But, I've seen the work of other 'balancing' artists, including outdoor installations by Andy Goldsworthy, subject of the 2001 documentary film, Rivers and Tides.  As hard as it is to believe these examples photographed below are configured without support other than the rocks themselves, this is the case.”




























Cool, huh?  But you know me, Peeps.  I am skeptical (though I was raised Baptist).   I see this and two words pop into mind… Super Glue!  

 Why?  Because what do I know about art and physics and laws of nature and balance and, well, anything?
 

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Barney Stinson On Similarities Between Girls and Fish














24 Similarities Between Girls and Fish
According To Barney Stinson

1. Both are attracted to shiny objects
2. More fun to catch while drinking
3. Neither travel well
4. There are others in the sea and/or bar
5. Three word: catch and release
6. Both travel in protective groups
7. Small bladders
8. The deeper you go, the scarier they get
9. Their weight largely determines their value
10. EDITED: My lawyer has requested that I remove this one… hint: crabs
11. They get all ornery if you try to grab their tail
12. Bears will eat either of them
13. Sometimes I likes’em wild, sometimes I likes’em farm-raised
14. You must document great catches or no one will believe you – video preferred
15. Easier to reel in if you let them wear themselves out first
16. Seen the movie Splash?  Case closed
17. Cold blooded.
18. Neither can operate a vehicle
19. They both eat things
20. The harder they shake their tail, the farther they’ll go in life
21. Scales are important to each of them
22. They never have to buy drinks
23. Umm… Eggs? Duh
24. Can hook either with a great line

And like Sushi, they are good to eat raw... Coffeyism!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Inappropriate Humor in 3-2-1…

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