Men Are Just Happier Because:
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack...
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water
park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas
station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of
which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000 - Tux rental $100!
People never stare at your chest when
you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle
your feet.
One mood all the time!
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one
suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a
three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than
enough.
Everything on your face stays its
original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even
decades.
You only have to shave your face and
neck.
You can play
with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes - one
color for all seasons!
You can wear shorts no matter how your
legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket
knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning
growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25
relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for
lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and
John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and
none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out comes
the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item that he
needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that
she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom:
toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the
typical woman's bathroom is 337, and a man would not be able to identify more
than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any
argument.
Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until
she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping,
water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the
mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and
funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went
to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the
night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and
romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short
people living in the house.
MISTAKES
A married man can forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the
same thing!
See???
We Are Such Simple
Creatures.
