Wednesday, January 25, 2017

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE














What do you expect from such simple creatures?  Your last name stays put.  The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.  Chocolate is just another snack.  You can never be pregnant.  
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.  You can wear NO shirt to a water park.  Car mechanics tell you the truth.  The world is your urinal.  

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.  You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.  Same work, more pay.  Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress $5000.  Tux rental-$100.  

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.  New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.  One mood all the time.  Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.  You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.  You can open all your own jars.  You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.  If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.  Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.  Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.  You almost never have strap problems in public.  You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.  The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.  You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.  One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.  You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.  You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.  You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.  No wonder men are happier.

When eating out and the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

In a bathroom a man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

Forget arguments.  A woman always has the last word.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

And there are the children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Yep, I am a happy man! 







Tuesday, January 03, 2017























One of the things about retirement is the extra time one has to just think, which leads to questions.

So, I am 72 years old and I have so many unanswered questions!!!!

I still haven't found out who let the Dogs Out...

Where's the beef...

How to get to Sesame Street...

Why Dora doesn't just use Google Maps...

Why do all flavors of fruit loops taste exactly the same…

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop...

Why eggs are packaged in a flimsy paper carton, or light bulbs too are in a flimsy carton but batteries are secured in plastic that's tough as nails…

Ever buy scissors? You need scissors to cut into the packaging of scissors...

Why is there Braille on drive up ATM's...

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word…

Why is there a D in 'fridge' but not in refrigerator...

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dish-

Washing liquid is made with real lemons...

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections...

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" where's that extra penny going...

Why do The Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star have the same tune...

Why did you just try to sing those two previous songs...

Just what is Victoria's secret, anyway?...

What would you do for a Klondike bar and you know as soon as you bite into it it falls apart...

Why do we drive on Parkways and park on Driveways?...

Do you really think I am this witty??...

I actually got this from a friend, who stole it from her brother's girlfriend's, uncle's cousin's, baby momma's doctor who lived next door to an old class mate's mail man...


I know… I need to get a life.