Cheers

Not that I need any excuses to have a beer or two, there are those of you who do need an excuse, or a reason to justify taking a drink.   Try these: 

"Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed.  Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams.  If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered.  I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver." - Babe Ruth

"If all you had to look forward to was sleeping with Lady Bird you'd stay drunk too." - Lyndon B. Johnson

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Paul Horning

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case.  Coincidence?  I think not." - H. L. Mencken

"When we drink, we get drunk.  When we get drunk, we fall asleep.  When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.  When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.  So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" - George Bernard Shaw

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer.  Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Barry

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B.C.! - W. C. Fields

Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser. - Professor Irwin Corey

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.  Salvation in a can! - Leo Durocher

One night at Cheers (TV Sitcom), Cliff Clavin said to his buddy, Norm Peterson:

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.  And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.  This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members!  In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.  Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells.  But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.  In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!  That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Cliff has point…

WHY???

Okay, class, here is the question… WHY?

Why can’t I post anything here?  I post all kind of shit on Facebook, but not here.

Why is Facebook more important than my blog?  I am here every day, sometime two or three times a day, to check on the awesome bloggers on the port side.

Why aren’t all of you on my Facebook friends list?

Why are y’all still posting on your blogs instead of Facebook?  Both types have stupid rules and laws.  Is it because you can post larger post with the ability to post more than one picture and place that picture where you want it to enhance your story/blog?  Makes sense to me, I guess.

Why can’t Facebook have a highlight or a BOLD option?

Why doesn’t blogger have a LIKE button so you can let someone know you have been there but didn’t feel the need to comment?

And most of all, WHY AM I EVEN POSTING THESE DUMBASS QUESTIONS?  The collection of questions seem to answer the whole WHY question.

Okay, I’ll go now.  Continue with what you were doing. (In Navy speak, that is Carry On).

  

Observations Of Old Age

It has been awhile since I’ve posted anything, so I thought I would throw this one up just to let you know I am still around and that I do drop by daily to read the peeps on the left side blog roll.  Sometimes several times a day.  So I hope you get as big a kick out of these as I did.

THERE IS NO SENIOR DISCOUNT FOR READING THIS---

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don't really give a rat's as anymore.

Things I have noticed and figured out… If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.  A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.  A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives15 years, while a tortoise doesn't run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.  And they tell us to exercise?  I don't think so.

Now that I'm older, here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
5. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, you're the top dog, some days you're the hydrant.
8. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to your door when you're in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my butt.
14. When I'm finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.
t15. It is not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..
17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.  I go somewhere to get
something, and then wonder what I'm "here after".
18. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
19. It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.
20. Have I sent this message to you before... or did I get it from you?

Oh well.  This will do it for a while… or sooner.

VV Day 2016

Today, March 30^th, is Vietnam Veterans Day in Georgia. 

Some states celebrate 29 March as their welcome home date.  And some (AR, HI, KY, MI, MS, NE, NV, UT, WY) do not even recognize the date at all.  Hell, even Puerto Rico celebrates the day on 30 March since 2009.  And what's with Hawaii?  Many vets spent R&R there with their girlfriends, wives and family.  Take the money but stay PC.

It has been 44 years since we (the US) pulled out of that beautiful shit-hole of a country.  Over fifty eight thousand young lives lost because LBJ and Congress didn’t have any balls, yet our men and women fought bravely and honorably only to come home to ridicule, though I have yet to meet a man who was actually spit on – not to say it didn’t happen.  Just not as often as the public seems to thing.  They did get dirty looks and some comments, but no spitting.  And the worst only came if there was a demonstration outside the airport, which rarely happened.

But no matter which day the states choose, every day is Welcome Home Vietnam Veterans Day for me.  Especially for the 299 survivors of the USS Frank E Evans.

Thanks, guys, and welcome home.

Some Wednesday Patriotic Poster For Ya

Golfing Quotes

Golfing has its own language and descriptions.  Comments and excuses are pretty unique, too.  Here are a few for ya…

1. These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the ball and hit it with the shadow. ~ Sam Snead

2. I was three over today: One over a house, one over a patio and one over a swimming pool. ~ George Brett

3. Actually, the only time I ever took out a one-iron was to kill a tarantula. And I took a 7 to do that. ~ Jim Murray

4. The only sure rule in golf is - he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. ~ Mickey Mantle

5. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them. ~ Kevin Costner

6. I don't fear death, but I sure don't like those three-footers for par. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

7. After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye. ~ Chi Chi Rodriguez

8. The ball retriever is not long enough to get my putter out of the tree. ~ Brian Weis

9. Swing hard in case you hit it. ~ Dan Marino

10. My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered. ~ Lord Robertson

11. Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. ~ Jack Benny

12. There is no similarity between golf and putting; they are two different games, one played in the air, and the other on the ground. ~ Ben Hogan

13. Professional golf is the only sport where, if you win 20% of the time, you're the best. ~ Jack Nicklaus

14. The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law. ~ H. G. Wells

15. I never pray on a golf course. Actually, the Lord answers my prayers everywhere except on the course. ~ Billy Graham

16. If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf. ~ Bob Hope

17. While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake. ~ Henny Youngman

18. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. ~ Jack Lemmon

19. You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work. ~ Lee Trevino

Kids Before The 70's

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE

1930's, 40's, 50's, 60's!! 

I am blessed to have been raised during the late 40’s and 50’s.  It was a great era for kids to grow up, playing outside with no fears of being abducted and using commons sense.

First, we survived being born to some mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can and didn't get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps not helmets on our heads.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes.

Riding in the back of a pick-up truck on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and no one actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar.  And, we weren't overweight.  WHY?  Because we were always outside playing...that's why!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes.  After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms. 

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them. 

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team.  Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment.  Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.  They actually sided with the law! 

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.  We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.  

Kids now days protest and destroy property if they don’t get what they want or demand.  And they do it because they never learned to deal with problems or simply because they can with no danger of punishment.  Nope!  I am glad I was raised during the great days of the USA.

If YOU are one of our generation, CONGRATULATIONS!

While you are at it, forward this to your grandkids so they will know how brave and lucky their parents and grandparents were.

Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?

The Military 70 Years Later

It’s amazing how things have changed in the past 70 years regarding military service.

1945 - NCO's had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
2016 - Everyone has an internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.

1945 - We painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
2016 - They put the real thing in the cockpit.

1945 - Your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive.
2016 - She is in the same trench praying your condom worked.

1945 - If you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off.
2016 - If you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.

1945 - You were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
2016 - You spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, then retreat because you're out of ammo.

1945 - Canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
2016 - Canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic.

1945 - Officers were professional soldiers first and they commanded respect.
2016 - Officers are politicians first, and beg not to be given a wedge.

1945 - They collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
2016 - They collect your pee and analyze it.

1945 - If you didn't act right, the Sergeant Major put you in the brig until you straightened up.
2016 - If you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.

1945 - Medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
2016 - Medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.

1945 - You slept in barracks like a soldier.
2016 - You sleep in a dormitory like a college kid.

1945 - You ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the food you wanted.

2016 - You eat in a dining facility, every slice of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much.

1945 - We defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
2016 - We come up short against Iraq and Afghanistan.

1945 - If you wanted to relax, you went to the rec center, played pool, smoked and drank beer.
2016 - You go to the community center, and you can play pool.

1945 - If you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officers' Club.
2016 - The beer will cost you $2.75, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink.

1945 - The Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn't make much money.
2016 - You can get better and cheaper merchandise at Walmart.

1945 - We could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.
2016 - We are wearing the Nazi helmets. 

1945 - We called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't like them.
2016 - We call the enemy the "opposing force" or "aggressor" because we don't want to offend them.

1945 - Victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things were broken.
2016 – We haven’t a clue as to what victory is or what it takes to achieve it.

1945 - A commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
2016 - A commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

1945 - Wars were planned and run by generals who knew how to fight and win.
2016 - Wars are planned by politicians who haven’t a clue about fighting or winning.

1945 - We were fighting for freedom, and the country was committed to winning.
2016 - We don't know what we're fighting for, and the government is
committed to social programs and political correctness, and our real enemy is global warming.

1945 - All you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again.
2016 - All you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian again.

Take me back to the good old days.

Male Columnist

Why Men Should Never Be Advice Columnists:

Don't worry... it's not your glasses.  It just wouldn't make bigger clear.

Some Monday Humor

Some Monday Humor to help you cope...

That's it!  Carry on!  Return to your daily chores.

Bruce What Are Ye

Baltimore Riot Explained

The Baltimore Riot Explained

 

 

OK.  Now I understand! 

SO Happy that we got that cleared up!!

McDonnell Douglas Warranty Card

 



This was ACTUALLY posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee there who obviously had a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humor) and made the web department take it down immediately. 

MCDONNELL DOUGLAS WARRANTY REGISTRATION CARD

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to

protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty
registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the
information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and
desires.

[_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified
First Name: _______________ Initial: __ Last Name: _______________
Code Name: __________ Password: ________ (max 8 char)
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ____ ____ ____

Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ____/__/__
Serial Number: _________________________

Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have
just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to
purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] Iraq
[_] North America
[_] Central / South America
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Classified

How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that
apply):
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal

Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student

To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the
interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a
regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Sabotage
[_] Propaganda / disinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
[_] Fashion / clothing
 
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will
be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in
the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from
other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand
new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

source: jokebudda and copied from Fishducky
And I don't know why the background is white sometimes. 
 

Give Up or Quit - That Is The Question

Hey, Peeps.  You may have noticed, if you have even stopped by here in a while, that I haven’t posted anything since June.  I have no excuse for this laps.  Just facts.

Fact:  I haven’t had much to say without some kind of visual support, and I am not a wordsmith (as you can also tell) like many of my blogger pals on the side bar.  And I freely admit I am computer illiterate.

I have no one who can come over and give a tutorial on how to update or fix blogger.  I also suffer from ADHD, or some other kind of acronym, and dearly hate to do in-depth research unless it actually interest me.  So I do not try to learn stuff like whatever it is called that adds to the blog.  I had a good friend build my blog page with all the pictures and colors and stuff because she is a whiz at doing stuff like that.  But I am not one of her dependents on her tax forms, so she needs to devote her time to her family, not babysitting me.

I did try to use Chrome, but I seem to have lost stuff, or didn’t know how to get it back.  I couldn’t see my blog or anything.  So I went back to the old Google setup.  Again, I am computer illiterate. 

 

Recon age has something to do with it?  I was in the dentist office getting my toffies polished, and mentioned something I saw of Facebook, and the hygienist said it was so cool that I was on Facebook.  That not many people in my age group take the time to learn new stuff.  The sooty little bitch.  If she wasn’t so pretty with great eyes, I would have walked (or shuffled my old ass) out of there.  But, then again, she may be right.

I guess, because of using the old shit, I cannot post videos from YouTube or news sources, etc.  Also, I do not have photo shop or any of those cool sites that will let me build my own posters, comment on pictures, and other neat things that makes a blog interesting. 

So I thought about just taking the down… but I can’t.  I come here every day just to read the awesome peeps on the side bar.  I cannot give them up.  So this place will be like a ghost town.  Old stuff still around, but not much activity.  I still retain the right to post something if I think you would enjoy it – if you still have me on your list of blogger pals.  But if you choose to add more space by deleting my blog, I truly understand and thank you for hanging in so long. 

I really enjoyed doing this for several years.  I made a few friends from meeting you on this blog and still have contact with some of you over on Facebook, which is where I am spending most of my time and energy.  It is a little difficult for me to learn stuff there, too, but they have not intimidated and irritated me as much as blogger has.  So I will be hanging more over there.

I may come back here and repost some of my stuff from over the years… maybe update them a little.  We shall see.

In the meantime, if you do drop by here, I strongly advise you check out he peeps on the side bar.  They are awesome.

Later… maybe.

A Demerit System For Men

Life’s Demerit System

In Other Words---
MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY
 
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and the points are subtracted.
You don’t get points for doing something she expects.

Here is a sample guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed - +1
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows - -1
or
You go out to buy what she wants - +5
In the rain - +8
But return with Beer - -5

PROTECTIVE DUTIES

You check out a suspicious noise at night - +1
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing – 0
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something - +5
You pummel it with an iron rod - +10
It’s her pet Schnauzer - -30

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side for the entire party - +1
You stay by her die for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend - -2
Named Tina - -10
Tina is a dancer - -20
Tina has breast implants -40

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner – +2
You take her out to dinner, and it’s not a sports bar - +3
Okay, it’s a sports bar - -2
And it’s all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team - -10

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie - +1
You take her to a movie she likes - +5
You take her to a movie you hate - +6
You take her to a movie you like - -2
It’s called “Death Cop” - -3
You lie and tell her is was a foreign film about orphans - -15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly - -15
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it - +10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts - -30
You say to her, “It doesn’t matter, you have one, too” - -80 (plus ER expenses)

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, “Do I look fat?” - - 5
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding - -10
You reply, “Where?” - -35
You give any other response - -40

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression - +2
You listen for over 30 minutes - +50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV - +500
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep - -4,000

In short, if you do the right thing you get a few points, but, boy if you fuck up…