My daughter and niece think I should publish more on this blog. Why? As my bio say’s I am old and I’m boring, and, besides, what would I write about? I enjoy reading other people’s blogs and making an occasional comment, but that’s about it.
Well, let me try by letting you know a little about my life. I am retired. I do an occasional accounting function (billing and receivables, and bank recon for a friend in the insurance business) that takes all of 10 hours a month. I read, watch TV and review my daughters blog pals sites.
I wake up in the morning between 8:00 am and 10:00 am. I piss. I know! That’s a bit of information you probably didn’t need to know, but it’s a big part of my day. It feels good and makes me happy.
I then go downstairs and make a cup of coffee, check out the computer, watch GMA, Regis and Kelly, either Montel or Magnum PI and The View if there is someone of interest on there that will make it worth me having to set though an hour of Rosie O’Donnell. Then I go get some lunch.
I piss again, or anything else that might need to be taken care of. It seems the most activity I get during the day is pissing. I have an enlarged prostate and take Flowmax to control it, but it still feels good so I look forward to the next time I have to go.
I read some more, take a nap, and pee. I know I need to get out and do things. I thought about walking, but I laid down on the couch until the feeling passed, then I was alright. Especially after I peeded.
I started going to the senior center here in town. I volunteered my time and set up their member files on the computer, set up forms to keep track of their trips, showed them how to build a program in Excel to forecast their budgets, etc. After that it got boring. I don’t have anything in common with those old people, except that I am a veteran. But those guys are heroes - WWII, Korea and Viet Nam COMBAT veterans. I have too much respect for them to set and claim I am a veteran. It’s just not the same thing.
Anyway, I wait for my wife, Sweet Tea (or Me Maw), to get off work and go to her second job at Home Depot. I meet her and hand off a sweet tea to get her through the shift. I feel guilty about this, but with my lower back and general health, I cannot put in the hours of standing and walking that is required for most jobs, and I DO NOT want to go back into the corporate world again. So we are working on some things for the future but, until then, she will do the two job thing.
In the evening I take the dogs out for their afternoon constitutional, and, yes, I pee with them out side. Because it feels good.
I watch TV until Sweet Tea gets home, then we discuss stuff before she goes to bed. I usually mosey up to join her around 2:00 AM. Then it starts over. So if I am to keep a daily blog, all I will have to do tomorrow is say, “Ditto.” Then the next day, “Ditto.” So on and so forth until something actually happens in my life. I will say the Monday I go for training as a pole worker for the upcoming elections. And the day before and the day after the elections in November I will be going around placing precinct signs at the poling places and picking the up after the elections. Those three days, plus the training, will cut sharply into my peeing time. And I’m not to happy about that.
See, this is the funniest, most interesting post I've read all day. And I love how you worked in the highlight of your day (peeing). You could tell us what you think of Regis and Kelly's guests ... and the poll work will be interesting.
ReplyDeleteSometimes that's how I feel. I work and have a decent social life, but sometimes I just can't come up with something to rant, write, or discuss. That's when I realized I really did need to do something. Definitely something other than watching TV in the evenings. Oh wait, I read blogs, pee, eat dinner, read more blogs, sometimes I meet someone for dinner, drink water, and then definitely have to pee again.
ReplyDeleteYep, we have a lot in common. I'm just not a vet. I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was little though. Guess that's a different vet.
Great job... I didn't realize you had an enlarged prostate... keeping that a secret from your kid, huh?
ReplyDeleteYou did ask me to help you post pictures and links... you must have something up your sleeve!
Beth, if anything happens at the poles I’ll let y’all know. Mostly I believe that, aside from meeting people, it will be boring. The Liberal Democrats have taken the fun out of it by fighting the picture id thing.
ReplyDeleteAndi, at least you have a social life. Mine is watching the people at the Waffle House while I turn the pages in my book.
Marni, EVERY MAN over 50 has a 90% chance of having am enlarged prostate. Mostly it just makes you pee a lot, so it’s not so bad because it just feels so good. The problem is that all I have left in my life that feels so good is peeing – except for some little arms around my neck and some good grandkid hugs.
What in the heck is Magnum PI up to these days anyhow?
ReplyDeleteI was going to tell you that you are now officially my favorite person on the Internet, but I'm suddenly faced with an overwhelming urge to pee.
I am laughing about the fact that you pee outside with the dogs. My mom and I discuss thia male habit frequently. Even if a toilet is closer, I have seen men go outside, Why?
ReplyDeleteI love that you pee so much. I am the opposite, which may not be good for my health later on down the road. I drink all day at work (Not alcohol..) and then I either forget, or just plain don't have to pee until about 7 hours later. I'm a wonder.
ReplyDeletePlimco, last see, Magnum was going back on active duty in the Navy. I would love to see a reunion of a retired naval officer and his friends. I would like to see what his daughter looks like now. And if the urge to pee gets really strong, go outside and try it. It’s cool – especially this time of the year :)
ReplyDeleteCat, it’s the macho, chest pounding hunter-gatherer in each of us that cause us to be wild and in one with nature. Besides, there is no seat that has to be let down when we finish, and we don’t have to go through all the rigmarole that women have to go through. We don’t have to squat or wipe. Just shake it, bang it against a tree, or wring it out. But mainly it’s simply because we can.
Boob, yes you are a wonder. You’re also full of piss. Take a few minuets each day and go to the john (why john??!!?) If you squat you will scat. So don’t haul it around all day. People will here you sloshing.
I agree with everyone else....this was the funnest post of the day! It was fascinating! [Sounds almost like my day since I lost my job - except I don't pee so much! Give me time!]
ReplyDeleteI am glad you come and read us and comment, but I want more stories too!
Hugs Mr. Coffeypot
[What are you going to do without Sweet tea for 3 weeks? :(
I pee about 15 times a day, and during the night...Can't even count that high...
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of doggies do you have? Keep writing and we'll keep reading.
It's nice that you find time to volunteer. I'd like to do thattoo, nbut so far, no time.
ReplyDeleteI find peeing to just be a waste of time so I'm happy to combine it with something else I have to do, like showering.
ReplyDeleteI have to say this is one of the all time funniest blog posts. Except by being so funny, you've done a terrible job of convincing your reader why you don't blog very often. We readers are selfish, you see, and we like what we're reading here. So I will add my voice to the chorus: BLOG MORE.
ReplyDeleteLOL! This really is a funny post and I enjoyed reading it all over again!
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen that many posts that ditto and they are all pretty funny! :-D
I may be boring but I am rarely bored. I seem always to have TOO much to do.
I'm also not funny. WAHN!
by the way, you are a good writer.
ReplyDelete