Redneck Monday - More U Fer Missums

I'd rather have a sister actively serving in a whore house than....

Slicker than a bald tire semi on a mile of wet asphalt.

He's slicker then the grease off a b-b-q biscuit.

Faster than a bee stung stallion.

When I first saw her my eye's bugged out like a stepped on toad frog!

She is slicker than cut okra in the sink.

Your about as useful as bird shit on a pump handle.

I felt like a monkey trying to do a math problem.

He'd tear up a steel ball with a rubber mallet.

That boy there is a poster child for birth control.

Why I'll slap you so hard you'll starve to death before you stop slidin'.

Why, it's so cold here...we got dogs stuck to fire hydrants all over town.

Boy, you best not be messin' with me; I'll slap some stuff on your head Ajax won't take off.

She one of those psycho women that are like havin' herpes. You never get rid of 'em and they are a real pain

It's hotter'n an ol' settin' hen, settin' eggs in a wool basket in the summertime.

Boys, if I tell you a rooster can pull a wagon, hitch'em up. (Trust)

Candy is dandy but licker is quicker.

I'm hornier than a nine-dicked dawg in a kennel full o' bitches!

Well, butter my biscuits!

Wild as a March hare.

You shouldn't be huntin' anything smarter than you. Try huntin' worms.

Busier than a racoon in tall corn.

Her pants are so tight her butt looks like two pigeons trying to fight their way out of a toe sack.

You can see it clearer than balls on a tall dog!

Also, read the previous post to see how to save the airlines.