Wacky Word Definitons

For you grammar cops and Librarians out there, nothing is more irritating than taking a good English word and misusing it.  So for the benefit of humanity and my continuing effort to teach you shit, I give you some words that are misused and the real definitions for each. 

1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds.

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do.

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage.

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with.

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly prison inmate.

6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who install kitchen counters.

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living.

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist.

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does.

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money.

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots.

12. PARADOX: Two physicians!

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm.

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with.

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring.

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife.

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does.

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official!

21. Polygon: A lost parrot.

22. Burglarize: What a robber sees with.

Now go out into the world and use these words as God intended.