Ponderisms

 
Peeps, you know how much I care about your education, and that I always try to give you the latest, most up-to-date information I can gather to further that goal. But sometimes I learn from you peeps, too. And when that happens, it is my commitment to you and your ‘learning’s’ that I forward the information on to you. I know, I know! I’m great and stuff, but it’s only because I care about each and every one of you.

So, the other day I was perusing several of my blogger friends ( okay, I was looking at all of’em) when I ran across this tidbit of knowledge from my friend Bob over at Citizen Soldier. He be a smart dude, too.

So for your continuing educational…uh…education I give you:

PONDERISMS

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about see ing UFOs like they used to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole @#?}%&! box to start a campfire?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Okay! That’s it for today. Class will be continued at a later date that will be determined by me and a surprise to you. In the mean time, keep learning, laughing and loving (call me if it’s pretty good) and I’ll see ya later.

Your welcome!

John