Sunday, October 22, 2006

REDNECK LOVE POEM

Sweet Tea is in N.J. for a few weeks and I miss her so much. I found a poem I thought she might appreciate. What do you think?

Collards is green,
My dog’s name is Blue,
And I’m so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like con silk
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s
And without all them fleas.

You move like the bass
Which excite me in May?
You ain’t got no scales
But I luv you anyway.

Yo’re as satisfy’n as okry
Just a-fry’n in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as “snuff”
Right out of the can.

You have some’a yore teeth,
For which I am proud:
I hold my head high
When we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions,
When you shave under yore arms,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven,
And awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles
And fiux what you can.

Yo’re as cute as a junebug
a-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like those fire ants
I found in my bed.

Your cut from the best cloth
Like a plaid flannel shirt,
You park up my life
More than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete;
Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.

Yore complexion, it’s perfection,
Like the best vinyl sidin’
Despite all the years,
Yore age, it keeps hidin’.

Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank,
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate
For Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart,
It’s romantic that way.

Some men git roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger.
“That’s impressive,” I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,”
They explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,
These won’t do.
Cause yor’e too special,
You sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,
Without taste or oder,
More useful than diamonds…
IT’S A NEW TROLL’N MOTER!

What do you think folks? Will this melt her heart? Maybe when I get up there next Wednesday, I’ll hold her in my arms and tell her that her eyes look like two hen turds in a bowl of clabber, and that her ears are as cute as mud flaps on a gopher’s ass. Yep! That should do it.

6 comments:

SkippyMom said...

<-------SkippyMom swooning! That definitely does it for me. I may have to get SKH to read that so he knows how to really woo' his woman!

:D I love it!

Judy Coffey said...

Okay, so now I am not sure if you really are a redneck, hillbilly or applachian american. So as the recipient of the "poem", I say thanks and I hope I can find an Northern response soon.......

First Year said...

You will definetly melt her heart :) (says the girl living in Virginia...(

Heidi the Hick said...

Ha, and they say rednecks don't know romance!

Anonymous said...

You are a funny guy!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

That's about how Biker Buddy wooed me except occasionally he loses his head and accidentally says something genuinely nice.