Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after
Doesn't “expecting the unexpected” make the unexpected expected?
Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?
Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?
Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the
batteries are dead?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why do we park on a driveway & drive on a parkway?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Now, do you have any?
Michael Grab is an artist that has been 'rock balancing' since
2008. Much of his recent work has been
done around the Boulder, Colorado area. Grab---yes, that's his real name---finds the
process both spiritual and therapeutic.
"The most fundamental element of balancing in a physical sense is finding
some kind of 'tripod' for the rock to stand on. Every rock is covered in a variety of
tiny to large indentations that can act as a tripod for the rock to stand
upright, or in most orientations you can think of with other rocks. By paying close attention to the feeling
of the rocks, you will start to feel even the smallest clicks as the
notches of the rocks in contact are moving over one another.
“Parallel to the physical element of
finding tripods, the most fundamental non-physical element is harder to explain
through words.In a nutshell, I am referring
to meditation, or finding a zero point or silence within yourself.
“Some balances can apply significant
pressure on your mind and your patience. The challenge is overcoming any doubt that may
The author of this email goes on to state, “I was skeptical when first viewing
these. But, I've seen the work of
other 'balancing' artists, including outdoor installations by
Andy Goldsworthy, subject of the 2001 documentary film, Rivers and Tides. As hard as it is to believe these examples photographed below are configured without support other
than the rocks themselves, this is the case.”
Cool, huh? But you know me, Peeps.I am skeptical
(though I was raised Baptist).I see
this and two words pop into mind… Super Glue!
Why? Because what do I know about art and physics and laws of nature and balance
and, well, anything?
The wife's back on the warpath
again. Last night she said she wanted to
make a sex movie, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her
My sister-in-law sat on my
glasses and broke them. It was my own
fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours
defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call
After both suffering from
depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself,
I started to feel a lot better. So I
thought, screw it, I'll soldier on!
I woke up this morning at 8 and
just felt that something was wrong. I
got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not
breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until
The other night, my wife asked
me how many women I'd slept with. I told
her, "Only you. All the others kept
me awake all night!"
My wife packed my bags and said
"GET OUT!!!". As I walked out
the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you
"Oh," I replied,
"so now you want me to stay!"
I've just installed strobe
lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife
look like she's moving during sex.
Wife - "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be
done with golf by noon!"
Husband - "I'm so sorry, Honey...but you probably don't want to hear the
Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it
Husband - "Okay, Fine! We finished in less than 4 hours, quick beer
in the Clubhouse; I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the
button. But on the way home, I spotted a
girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's
offering me money. Of course I refuse it
- then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton and begs me to
stop so she can buy me a beer. She's
such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you
know it, one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty
good to each other. Then she tells me
she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while
pulling me by the hand. Now I'm in her
room.... clothes are flying..... the talking stopped.... and we proceeded to
have sex in every way imaginable. It
must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the
car, and here I am. There. You wanted the truth.... you got
Wife - "Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you?”
A woman in labor is screaming
profanity at her husband from her hospital bed.
He says, "Hey, don't blame me!
I wanted to stick it up your ass but NOOOO, you said that might hurt!"
I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was
I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was
I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank
But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes
Women, I can't figure them out.
A mother in law said to her son's wife when their baby was
"I don't mean to be rude but he doesn't look anything
like my son."
The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said:
"I don't mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy...
not a fucking photo-copier."
A blonde and a brunette are walking downtown when the
brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop.
"Just great," the brunette complained to the
blonde, "my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers."
The blonde responds, "Why is that a problem?"
The brunette replies, "Because now he'll expect me to
spend all weekend with my legs spread and my feet up in the air."
"Why, hun?" asked the blonde, "Don't you have
"I'm fed up
with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like; "I'm tired,
I'm washing my hair, I've got a headache, I'm your sister..."
I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing
topless from my bedroom window.
As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife was just
standing there, arms folded...watching me. I mean, is she a pervert or what?
My girlfriend says that a small penis won't affect our
Whether she's right or not, I'd prefer it if she didn't have
one at all!
Okay, Peeps, I hope you found at least one of these funny. I found them all to be fucking hilarious.