Wow... It has been three months
since I last posted any dibble here? I have no excuse (Facebook) for my
lack of posting. I do read all the peeps on my side bar because they are
just too damn good not too. But, well, let's give this one a try...
if anyone is still out there.
Hello! Anyone out there? (tap, tap,
tap) Is this thing on?
THINGS I TRUST MORE THAN HILLARY
Drinking Mexican tap water
A rattlesnake with a pet me
Simpson showing me his knife collection
elevator ride with Ray Rice
offered by Bill Cosby
nuclear deal with Iran
Palestinian with a backpack on a motorcycle
Carter’s economic plan
Williams’ news reports
for peace from Al Sharpton
showing restraint at an all-you-can-eat buffet
$35,000,000 Arab Sheik who keeps sending me emails
Seriously, Peeps, she is as
much a threat to this country as Obama, only not as a Muslim.
FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBERHollywood Squares:
These some of the funniest and greatest answers from the days when 'Hollywood Squares'
game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the
questions, of course...
Q - Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A - Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes
of the show!)
Q - Do female frogs croak? A - Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads underwater long enough.
Q - If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A - Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q - True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years? A - George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q - You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a
woman? A - Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q - According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and youthink that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
A - Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
Q - Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A - Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q - In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A - Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q - What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A - George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next
Q - As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands
A - Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q - Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A - Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q - Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any
during the first year? A - Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q - In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A - Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q - It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One
is politics, what is the other? A - Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q - During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A - Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q - Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A - Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q - When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A - Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q - If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A - Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q - According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the
habit of kissing a lot of people? A - Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q -It is the most abused and neglected part of
your body, what is it?
A - Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q - Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head,
what was he trying to do? A - George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q - Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A - Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q - When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A - Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q -Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he
firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions.
What are they?
A - Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q -According to Ann Landers, what are two things
you should never do in bed?
A - Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.
WE DON'T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,
WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING.
Montreal University scientist released the results of a recent analysis that
revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain estrogens) and that by
drinking enough beer men turn into women.
To test the
theory 100 men each drank 10 large drafts of beer within a one (1) hour period.
It was then
observed that 100% of the test subjects, yes, 100% of all these men –
to apologize when obviously wrong. 3) Gained
weight. 4) Talked
excessively without making sense. 5) Became
overly emotional. 6) Couldn‘t
drive. 7) Failed to
think rationally 8) Had to
sit down to pee.
testing was considered necessary.
Hell, if I
drink 1 & ½ beers I get cranky and bitchy… and horny!
For half a century, the
world has applauded John Glenn as a heart-stirring American hero. He lifted the nation's spirits when, as one of
the original Mercury 7 astronauts, he was blasted alone into orbit around the
Earth; the enduring affection for him is so powerful that even now people find
themselves misting up at the sight of his face or the sound of his voice. But for all these years,
Glenn has had a hero of his own, someone who he has seen display endless
courage of a different kind: They have been married
for 71 years. He is 93; she will turn 95 on
February 17th. Soon there will news coverage of the 53rd anniversary of Glenn's flight into orbit. We are
being reminded that, over half a century down the line, he remains America’s
unforgettable hero. He has never really
bought that. Because the heroism he
most cherishes is of a sort that is seldom cheered. It belongs to the person he
has known longer than he has known anyone else in the world. John Glenn and Annie
Castor first knew each other when -- literally -- they shared a playpen. In New Concord, Ohio,
his parents and hers were friends. When the families got together, their
children played. John -- the future
Marine fighter pilot, the future test-pilot ace, the future astronaut -- was
pure gold from the start. He would end up having what it took to rise to the
absolute pinnacle of American regard during the space race; imagine what it
meant to be the young John Glenn in the small confines of New Concord. Three-sport varsity
athlete, most admired boy in town, Mr. Everything. Annie Castor was bright,
was caring, was talented, and was generous of spirit. But she could talk only
with the most excruciating of difficulty. It haunted her. Her stuttering was so
severe that it was categorized as an "85%" disability -- 85% of the
time, she could not manage to make words come out. When she tried to recite
a poem in elementary school, she was laughed at. She was not able to speak on
the telephone. She could not have a regular conversation with a friend. And John Glenn loved
her. Even as a boy he was wise
enough to understand that people who could not see past her stutter were
missing out on knowing a rare and wonderful girl.
They married on April 6,
1943. As a military wife, she found that life as she and John moved around the
country could be quite hurtful. She has written: "I can remember some very
painful experiences -- especially the ridicule."
In department stores,
she would wander unfamiliar aisles trying to find the right section,
embarrassed to attempt to ask the salesclerks for help. In taxis, she would
have to write requests to the driver, because she couldn't speak the
destination out loud. In restaurants, she would point to the items on the menu. A fine musician, Annie,
in every community where she and John moved, would play the organ in church as
a way to make new friends. She and John had two children; she has written:
"Can you imagine living in the modern world and being afraid to use the
telephone? 'Hello' used to be so hard for me to say. I worried that my children
would be injured and need a doctor. Could I somehow find the words to get the
information across on the phone?" John, as a Marine
aviator, flew 59 combat missions in World War II and 90 during the Korean War.
Every time he was deployed, he and Annie said goodbye the same way. His last
words to her before leaving were: "I'm just going
down to the corner store to get a pack of gum." And, with just the two
of them there, she was able to always reply: "Don't be long." On that February day in
1962 when the world held its breath and the Atlas rocket was about to propel
him toward space, those were their words, once again.
And in 1998, when, at 77,
he went back to space aboard the shuttle Discovery, it was an understandably
tense time for them. What if something happened to end their life
She knew what he would say to her before boarding the shuttle. He did -- and
this time he gave her a present to hold onto: A pack of gum. She carried it in a pocket
next to her heart until he was safely home. Many times in her life she
attempted various treatments to cure her stutter. None worked. But in 1973, she found a
doctor in Virginia who ran an intensive program she and John hoped would help
her. She traveled there to enroll and to give it her best effort. The miracle she and John had always waited for
at last, as miracles will do, arrived. At
age 53, she was able to talk fluidly, and not in brief, anxiety-ridden,
agonizing bursts. John has said that on the
first day he heard her speak to him with confidence and clarity, he dropped to
his knees to offer a prayer of gratitude. He has written: "I saw
Annie's perseverance and strength through the years and it just made me admire
her and love her even more." He has
heard roaring ovations in countries around the globe for his own valor, but his
awe is reserved for Annie, and what she accomplished: "I don't know if I
would have had the courage." Her voice is so clear and
steady now that she regularly gives public talks. If you are lucky enough to know the Glenn’s,
the sight and sound of them bantering and joking with each other and playfully
finishing each others sentences is something that warms you and makes you
thankful just to be in the same room. February 20th will be the 53rd
anniversary of the Mercury space shot, and once again people will remember, and
will speak of the heroism of Glenn the astronaut. But if you ever find
yourself at an event where the Glenn’s are appearing, and you want to see
someone so brimming with pride and love that you may feel your own tears start
to well up, wait until the moment that Annie stands to say a few words to the
audience. And as she begins, take a look at her husband's