Sunday, October 12, 2014

25 Famous Observations by Learned Men

25 Examples of Famous Observations by the Learned Men of Their Times…

1.  “A rocket will never be able to leave the Earth’s atmosphere.” – New York Times, 1936
2.  “When the Paris Exhibition (of 1878) closes, electric light will close with it and no more will be heard of it.” - Oxford professor Erasmus Wilson
3.  “…and for the tourist who really wants to get away from it all, safaris in Vietnam.” – Newsweek, predicting popular holiday for the late 1960s.
4.  “It’ll be gone by June.” – Variety Magazine on Rock n’ Roll, 1955
5.  “The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not.  We have plenty of messenger boys.” – Sir William Preece, Chief Engineer, British Post Office, 1878
6.  “The potential market for copying machines is 5,000 at most.” – IBM, to the eventual founders of Xerox, saying the photocopier had no market larger enough to justify production, 1959
7.  “I must confess that my imagination refuses to see any sort of submarine doing anything but suffocating its crew and floundering at sea.” – HG Wells, British novelist, 1901
8.  “The idea that cavalry will be replaced by these iron coaches is absurd.  It is little short of treasonous.” -  Comment of Aide-de-camp to Field Marshal Haig, at a tank demonstration, 1916
9.  “How, sir, would you make a ship sail against the wind and currents by lighting a bonfire under her deck?  I pray you, excuse me.  I have not the time to listen to such nonsense.” – Napoleon Bonaparte, when told of Robert Fulton’s steamboat, 1800s
10. “There will never be a bigger plane built.” – A Boeing engineer, after first flight of the 247, a twin engine plane that holds ten people
11. “The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value.  Who would pay for a message sent to no one in particular?” – Associates of David Samoff responding to the latter’s call for investment in the radio, 1921
12. “No, it will make war impossible.” – Hiram Maim, inventor of the machine gun, in response to the question, “Will this gun not make war more terrible?” from Havelock Ellis, an English scientist, 1893
13. “If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” – W.C. Heuper, National Cancer Institute, 1954
14. “There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home.” – Ken Olson, president, chairman, and founder of Digital Equipment (DEC), in a talk given to a 1977 World Future Society meeting in Boston
15. “No one will pay good money to get from Berlin to Potsdam in one hour when he can ride his horse there in one day for free.” – King William I of Prussia, on trains, 1864
16. “Televison won’t last because people will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.” – Darryl Zanuck, movie producer, 20th Century Fox, 1946
17. “The horse is here to stay but the automobile is only a novelty – a fad.” – The president of the Michigan Saving Bank advising Henry Ford’s lawyer not to invest in the Ford Motor Co., 1903
18. “Everyone acquainted with the subject will recognize it as a conspicuous failure.” – Henry Morton, president of the Stevens Institute of Technology, on Edison’s light bulb, 1880
19. “X-Rays will prove to be a hoax.” – Lord Kelvin, President of the Royal Society, 1883
20. “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” – Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
21. “Rail travel at high speed is not possible because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia.” – Dr. Dionysiurs Lardner, 1830
22. “Reagan doesn’t have that presidential look.” – United Artist executive after rejecting Reagan as lead in the 1964 file, The Best Man
23. “This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communications.  The device is inherently of no value to us.” – Western Union internal memo, 1876
24. “We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” – Decca Recording Co. on declining to sign the Beatles, 1962
25. “There is not the slightest indication that nuclear energy will ever be obtainable.  It would mean that the atom would have to be shattered at will.” – Albert Einstein, 1932

I guess the moral is to never discount any idea that seems so far out. 

Now have a nice day.

Friday, September 26, 2014



Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest Country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the third language.

Spotted Owl plague threatens Northwestern United States crops and livestock.

Baby conceived naturally!  Scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica.

No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation!

Last Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2060.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

Abortion clinics now available in every High School in United States.

Senate still blocking drilling in ANWR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules any punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. 

A Couple Finally Had Sexual Harmony, they had simultaneous headaches.

Average height of NBA players is now nine feet seven inches with only 5 illegitimate children.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2060.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Saturday, September 06, 2014

Actual Analogies Used By High School Students

(My Sentiments Exactly)

21 Actual Analogies Used By High School Students In English Essays

1. When she tried to sing, it sounded like a walrus giving birth to farm equipment.

2. Her eyes twinkled, like the mustache of a man with a old.

3. She was like a magnate: Attractive from the back, repulsive from the front.

4. The ballerina rose gracefully on point and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

5. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

6. She had him like a toenail stuck in a shag carpet.

7. The lamp just set there, like an inanimate object.

8. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

9. Her eyes were like the stars, not because they twinkle, but because they were so far apart.

10. His career was blowing up like a man with a broken metal detector walking an active minefield.

11. The sun was below the watery horizon, like a diabetic grandma easing into a warm salt bath.

12. From the attic came an unearthly howl.  The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes at a 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

13. It was as easy as taking candy from a diabetic man who no longer wishes to eat candy.

14. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes before is throws up.

15. Their love burned with the fiery intensity of a urinary tract infection.

16. It’s basically an illusion and no different than if I were to imagine something else, like Batman riding a flying toaster.

17. If it was any colder, it would be like being in a place that’s a little colder than it is here.

18. Joy fills her heart like a silent but deadly fart fills a room with no windows.

19. The bird flew gracefully into the air like a man stepping on a landmine in zero gravity.

20. He felt confused.  As confused as a homeless man on house arrest.

21. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge – free ATM.

Boy, Peeps, I want to meet these characters.  I bet they would be a hoot to hang with, like watching a cripple with rubber crutches.