Thursday, May 24, 2007

New Drugs For Women

FUKITOL
Depressed? Overworked? Job Suck? Unappreciated? Family Problems? Money Worries? Well here is a pill for you. When life blows…fukitol.

DAMNITOL
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

EMPTYNESTROGEN
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!

ST. MOMMA'S WORT
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.

PEPTOBIMBO
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

DUMBEROL
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pi cku p trucks.

FLIPITOR
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

MENICILLIN
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

JACKASSPIRIN
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

NAGAMENT
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth.

5 comments:

her indoors said...

ha ha ha, now i am going to ask you to find drugs for you men!!!!

Biddie said...

Don't let Shawn hear about the Anti-Talksident! I'll be in trouble for sure!

Heidi the Hick said...

That's awesome- I already have some Dumberol in the cubby hole of my truck but I could really use some nagament!!!

Itchy said...

I'll take some of the Dammitol please...

Open Eyes Blinded By The Knowledge Of All That Is said...

Those are awesome!! LOL