Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Prayer At Work

How to tell if you need to pray at work.

When a co-worker comes in a little too happy singing “Good Morning” to everyone and you think, “Somebody needs to slap the s#@% out of her,”
…you need to pray at work.

When someone comes in and announces, “Office meeting in five minuets,” and you think, “What the f#!&% do they want now?”
…you need to pray at work.

When your computer is mysteriously turned off and you want to say, “Which one of you sons of b#@&% turned my computer off?”
…you need to pray at work.

When you and a co-worker are discussing something and a third party comes in and says, “Well, at my last office…” and you want to say, “Who the f#*@ cares?”
…you need to pray at work.

When you’re in the elevator and it stops to pick up someone who stood for five minuets waiting for the darn thing only to go DOWN one floor and you think, “That Lazy b@$*!%^.”
…you need to pray at work.

When you hear a co-worker call your name and the first thing that crosses your mind is, “What the h#^^ does she want now?”
…you need to pray at work.

When you take some vacation time and comeback to find a mountain of paper work sitting on your desk because no one else would do it, and you think, “Ya’ll Sorry A## M#&*%@ F%#^*.”
…you need to pray at work.

If you ever thought about poisoning, chocking, punching, or slapping someone that you work with,
…you need to pray at work.

If you avoid saying more than hello or how are you doing to someone because you know it’s going to lead to listing to their whole f#^*% life story,
…you need to pray at work.

If you know all the words that have been bleeped out…
You DEFINITELY need to pray at work.

And as for the government,
The government should change its national symbol from the bald eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security while you’re actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesn’t get more accurate than that.



katy said...

going to work now to pray LOL this one is of your usual standard very funny, will sort out some questions for you, and i never noticed that Marni really comments on your blog!

KLee said...

AMEN about the condom!

That's like the old saw that if "pro" means for, and "con" against; it stands to reason that "progress" means moving ahead, and "Congress" means moving backwards. And lately, it holds true.

Anonymous said...

Holy $#/+, how are we supposed to get any ?(*@|&% work done if we're spending the whole ?(*@|&% day on our ?(*@|&% knees? We need pray breaks.

A Paperback Writer said...

As a school teacher, I've always liked the saying, "As long as there are tests, there will always be prayer in schools." :)

GrizzBabe said...

LOL! Very funny.

Let's see, I'm guilty of 2...5...7... ALL of these!

Coffeypot said...

klee, I agree, sadly.

coopergreen, if I wanted you to pray on my time I would have issued you a pair of #^%* knee pads.

a paperback wirter, amen - at least it was for me. Welcome and come back during recess.

grizzbabe, I think anyone who has ever worked in an office can relate to all of them. For me it was the one where someone said, "In my old office." I use to hear that alot when Western Electric changed to AT&T then to Lucent. F%#*^um.

Marni said...

I may not comment, but I read every day.