I'm Santa Again This Year

Well, it’s been decided. I will be the store Santa at the Pet Smart again this year. I start on Saturday and it will last for the next three weeks, every Saturday and Sunday. I am sooo fucking happy about this. Maybe the world will come to an end before Saturday (it can’t come to an end today because it already tomorrow in Australia.) Maybe the Muslims will not let the American people have Christmas this year, since we are such infidels.

The things I will do to help my family. Maybe I should have been an inattentive, abusive father and step-father. They might not like me, but I would have my Saturdays and Sundays to myself. Much like I do with my Mondays thru Fridays.

I did it last year to raise money for Dr. Amber’s pet rescue organization. You get two Polaroid pictures and two small, cheap frames for, I don’t know, $5.00 or something like that. People really like to do this with their beloved pets. They use the pictures to decorate the Christmas tree, or to send to friends and relatives. Personally, I’d rather have cash or a check. But it’s not about me. Dammit!

I’ve had my picture in a Santa Clause outfit made with every size and breed of dog there is. There were some in my lap, some sitting beside me. I’ve had four dogs at once in my lap. I’ve had them pee on me and the floor. No one has shit on me yet - because I can throw a 20 lb dog halfway across the store.

And the cats!!! I am going to wear leather arm protectors under the arm sleeve this year. Sitting for photos with a strange man with fuzzy whiskers is not one of the most endearing things a cat likes to do. Some of those beasts can leave claw marks on a stainless steel pole – and climb all the way to the top, too.

I’ve had my picture made with ferrets, macaws, parakeets and a skunk. I’ve had my picture made with kids in my lap holding their pets. I have even had petty young ladies sit in my lap with their pets. But they didn’t sit around long enough to talk about “the first thing to come up.” So much for perks!

But I guess it is for a good cause. Dr. Amber is totally dedicated to the spay and neuter programs, and saving as many animals she can. She has contacts all over the country and helps rescue organizations match up with good families. So the money she raises from this effort does some good. So I guess I’ll do it again this year. Dammit!