Thursday, November 29, 2007

I'm Santa Again This Year

Well, it’s been decided. I will be the store Santa at the Pet Smart again this year. I start on Saturday and it will last for the next three weeks, every Saturday and Sunday. I am sooo fucking happy about this. Maybe the world will come to an end before Saturday (it can’t come to an end today because it already tomorrow in Australia.) Maybe the Muslims will not let the American people have Christmas this year, since we are such infidels.

The things I will do to help my family. Maybe I should have been an inattentive, abusive father and step-father. They might not like me, but I would have my Saturdays and Sundays to myself. Much like I do with my Mondays thru Fridays.

I did it last year to raise money for Dr. Amber’s pet rescue organization. You get two Polaroid pictures and two small, cheap frames for, I don’t know, $5.00 or something like that. People really like to do this with their beloved pets. They use the pictures to decorate the Christmas tree, or to send to friends and relatives. Personally, I’d rather have cash or a check. But it’s not about me. Dammit!

I’ve had my picture in a Santa Clause outfit made with every size and breed of dog there is. There were some in my lap, some sitting beside me. I’ve had four dogs at once in my lap. I’ve had them pee on me and the floor. No one has shit on me yet - because I can throw a 20 lb dog halfway across the store.

And the cats!!! I am going to wear leather arm protectors under the arm sleeve this year. Sitting for photos with a strange man with fuzzy whiskers is not one of the most endearing things a cat likes to do. Some of those beasts can leave claw marks on a stainless steel pole – and climb all the way to the top, too.

I’ve had my picture made with ferrets, macaws, parakeets and a skunk. I’ve had my picture made with kids in my lap holding their pets. I have even had petty young ladies sit in my lap with their pets. But they didn’t sit around long enough to talk about “the first thing to come up.” So much for perks!

But I guess it is for a good cause. Dr. Amber is totally dedicated to the spay and neuter programs, and saving as many animals she can. She has contacts all over the country and helps rescue organizations match up with good families. So the money she raises from this effort does some good. So I guess I’ll do it again this year. Dammit!

37 comments:

gawilli said...

Well I'm proud of you Coffeypot. That sounds like a worthy, albeit furry, way to spend a few weekends. How about some pictures?

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

YEAH, I was just going to say that!

Really, how about posting pictures! What a riot!

Do you have Picasa? It's a free download and you can send pictures to your bog and they automatically post.

Anyway, good work, it's a wonderful and important cause and you're contributing. I think that's wonderful.

Biker Buddy LOOKS a lot like Santa. But he's not helping. Not that way, anyway

coffeypot said...

gawilli, nothing to be proud of. It's just family obligations.

mst, I have KODAK Easy Share. I might look into Picasa.

Jim Latchford said...

Me thinks you protest too much, my friend. Beneath your moans and groans beats the heart of man contented and intent on impacting his part of the world for the greater good. But then again, maybe its just me! Smile!!

coffeypot said...

jim, it's just you.

Jim Latchford said...

I thought so too!

e.Craig said...

It's commendable that you do good works, Coffeypot. But ... you ARE a dirty old man. ;-)

katy said...

hey i think i asked for these photos LAST Christmas, now with everyone else on at you we might get one huh?!!!!!!!!

Marni said...

I may have to bring the boys to sit with their Grandpa Santa... Hee!

Nadine said...

Bah humbug, eh?

I have a flyer sitting on my kitchen table for the photo with Santa at Petsmart. If I lived near you I'd definitely be taking the dog in...

coffeypot said...

e.craig, I prefer "Sexy Senior Citizen."

katy, I'll try. I'm not good at this stuff, but if Mrni brings the boys... maybe.

marni, ho, ho, ho!

nadine, give it a shot. It's not much money, and you can get some cute pictures - maybe with you in them.

RWA said...

coffeypot, I think all of your protesting and claiming is for show. You love doing this. You know it's for a good cause, too.

Christine said...

I have always thought..as I witness the sticky, running nose kids sitting on santa's lap... what could suck more than being THAT guy.
Guess what. You win.

Congrats.

coffeypot said...

rwa, does a Santa setting all day in a folding chair saying, "Alright, give me your fucking dog. Shut up, Spot, and be still. Click the damn picture already. Ho, ho, fucking ho!" sound like I like this shit. NOT!

christine, there isn't a suckie bone in my body. Licking, maybe! And the dogs are not snotty nosed. Just slobber lips.

Biddie said...

Good for you! We all know that you secretly love it, and that you're not such a bad guy :)

Teri said...

I know you hate to hear this but you're a good man!

regardless of "throwing animals across the room"

Teri said...

oh yeah, I'll make sure I bring my cats to see Santa. hehehhh

they don't have their front claws though, so you're safe.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Coffeypot, it was your story about being Santa that gave me the idea for my santa piece, LOL, not that I suspected you of such behavior. LOL!

Heidi the Hick said...

You rock. You cannot deny it.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Yeah, you rock all right, great work! LOL!

I took the industrial night picture, silly. Biker Buddy sat in the warm car and waited, saving his endowments for a warm motel room.

Brother Dave said...

When you and the skunk were photographed, did the owner name the picture, "Twins?"

;-)

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Hope you raise lots of money! YAY!

coffeypot said...

heidi, I rock alright! I go back and forth with my arms folded across my chest in one of my psychotic episodes. It usually starts after being exposed to a bunch of dogs all day long.

brother dave, no they didn’t. They ask me, “Santa, why did you take a picture of you and brother dave?”

mst, I had better! I’d hate to know I was going through all this for a few bucks. Dr. Amber deserves better.

CindyDianne said...

You go with your bad self Santa!

Swampwitch said...

You are a good person. Please post pictures. I could have mailed you a dead skunk that my dogs killed and brought into the house if I had known you posed with them.
Since BloggerBooger won't let me choose "other" anymore, my mug shot will take you back to my old GLOB if you care to visit.
New GLOB:
http://anecdotes.typepad.com

GrizzBabe said...

Sounds like fun!

Not really but it's for a good cause so maybe some good karma will swing your way.

Hot Lemon said...

THAT'S TH' WAY TO DO IT!!

hey, lookit this way, the dogs and cats won't bitch if you say "ho ho ho!!" nor are they likely to yank like hell on your beard or ask for a bazooka to blow up their sisters with.

No one is likely to go out of their way to say that "santa" is an anagram for "satan" or shit like that. Besides, if it's for a Worthy Cause, even the most crusty of us curmudgeons can be persuaded to do crazy shit like this.

Good idea on the leather armbands under the suits for cats, though...

DJ Andi said...

Very good. I've always thought it would be fun to bring Beaker (my Goffin's Cockatoo) and Harley (my 55 lb dog I got from the Gwinnett County Animal Shelter. Harley has been a good friend...Beaker? I might have to get back to you on that.

Pamela said...

you HAVE to post a picture.

Wooooooof!

Pamela said...

is this you?

clew said...

God bless you, coffeypot. You're a good soul despite your crusty blog exterior. I can tell. ;)

I'll admit it. We took our dog to the Petsmart Santa when he was a 3 month old puppy and he was scared shitless. We felt bad ...

Hay - Maybe that was that you? LOL

SkippyMom said...

My girls think you are so awesome for doing this...and thus we are too going to PetSmart on Saturday to have Spoot the Doot's pic taken [this should go over like a ton of bricks, I assure you...hee!]

Have you ever been bitten? or had an angry dog in your lap? Not that Spoot would do anything like that, but uh...just checking....[seriously she doesn't bite ;D]

Hugs and have fun!

Sweet Tea said...

Well they have said it all, but secretly you do enjoy it. And what the heck only two weeks more. You go SANTA POT.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

You write as well as I do--look at your wonderful blog posts! And you have HUMOR!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Hee hee hee and you're much sweeter than you let on or you would do this! :-D LOL

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

LOL! IS that you, in Pamela's second comment? And if not, let's SEE you! :-D

Nekked Lizards said...

I could think of worse ways to spend the weekends leading up to Christmas... well maybe not.
You's a good guy! -Nekked Lizards