Monday, December 10, 2007

Santa's Second Week - One More To Go

Here are some pictures I made last Saturday. They are made with my camera and no one knows how to zoom in to get rid of the background food supply.

This one I made of ground control. From the left is Dr. Amber, Sweet Tea, Bug, Major Tom of Ground Control (Rick) and a customer in awe of our setup.
 


This is my two elves, Bug and J-Man. They really worked hard, too. They walked the dogs, petted all the dogs and cats that came by, and inspected every item on the shelves, in the fish tanks and in the cat room. We could't have made it without their support and help.
 


This is Ruger. His only goal in life is to eat and be petted. The looks fierce, but is such a baby. Much like me.
 


Now to tell you about some of the people who come through the store. One little guy came by me riding on his heelies. You know. The sneakers with wheels in the heel? He came up to me to say hello.

“Hey, Santa!”

“Hey, bud! What’s your name?”

“Darnell”

“Man, Darnell, I would like to have a pair of heelies like that.”

“Well, Wal Mart has a pair that would fit you.”

“I bet they do, too. But I can’t find a pair with training wheels on them.”

He just gave a toothless grin and punched me on the arm and said, “Santa, you’re sooo silly.” And skated off. Little shit! Punching Santa! Humph!

The little kids who come through are awed and half are afraid to come see me. But they are so cute.

Every now and then a real nice tight fitting pair of jeans will come through. It’s much better than looking at the backs of dog’s heads all day. Thanks, ladies! Rick and I appreciate it. Ho! Ho! Ho!

Then there are the people who are wwaaaaayyyy to fat to wear short shorts and shirts that show too much midriff. I have to assume there are no mirrors in their homes.

A few come through in the full regalia complete with sequins or rinestones. Six inch heels, tight jeans or short skirts, sexy blouses and a jacket, even though it is 70 degrees outside.

We also see the pet lovers who stop and tell you all about their fostering achievements and animal rescue efforts because they are wonderful people who will have a special place in heaven. I hope it’s in the kennels there.

But most of the people coming in make it worth it. They are nice and appreciative and understand what is actually going on. They even thank Santa for his efforts and make nice comments. I just tell them to blow it out their asses and get this damn dog off my lap. It stinks and you both of you need to take a bath.

Sunday my arms were sore because I had a great many large dogs and I had to strain to keep them sitting beside me, or between my legs or in my lap until a decent picture can be made. One mastiff mix just climbed into my lap and set down on my arm and I had to hold him by the butt for several seconds. It was so funny. He was a true lap dog. There were several poses with two or three lab size dogs. Lab’s are not made to sit and pose. You have to keep a gentle pressure on their sides to keep them where you want them. And their heads are in constant motion. That’s when the little ball peen hammer comes in handy. Glad my suite is red. The most I had to pose with was four big dogs of different breeds.

Then there are the cats. Cats don’t pose. Cats climb. I found out that if I just let them set on my legs and I hold them gently, like a vice grip, by the hips, they will stay put long enough to get a picture. But they have a mind of their own and all the squeaky toys and box shaking you do to get their attention is useless.

Anyway, that’s about it for now. I won’t bother you with this stuff anymore. Except next weekend! I will have pictures of my dogs to show you. After that, no more Santa shit.
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28 comments:

Cooper Green said...

"I just tell them to blow it out their asses and get this damn dog off my lap."

Gee, those Dale Carnegie classes really seem to be paying off.

coffeypot said...

Fuck the Dale Carnegie stuff.

I’m going to start the “Coffeypot’s School of Linguistic Mastery, or How To Handle People In Sensitive Yet Threatening Situations.”

Olly said...

"hold them gently, like a vice grip"

I liked that one the best.

Oh, and as for Healies? Don't even bother with them. I tried a pair belonging to my daughters friend. No idea how kids balance so well on them. I damn near broke my neck. They look fun though, don't they?

coffeypot said...

olly, yeah, they do look like fun. I thought about using Grannydot's walker for support. It has wheels, and all I have to do is lower the back half and we stop. It could work. Otherwise I would have to tie them to my knees and skate that way. Nah! That won't work because you couldn't get the toes off the ground. Okay! Forget it.

dilling said...

We just tried for a family portrait yesterday with Michael and I and Eem-er... Eem-er was a freak and looks despondent or terrorized in every photo... so no dog-child in the Christmas portrait this year!

Lori and Pugsley said...

Cute pic with the grandkiddies, but I still want to see some with the pugs :)

e.Craig said...

By golly, you don't seem to have a dull moment there, Coffeypot.

HoosierGirl5 said...

Very cute, as usual.

J.

PS. Are you ready for tomorrow night? (hee, hee)

Lorelai said...

Loved this post! The pics were great and reminded me of my Mom because taking her dogs to see Santa is something she would sooo do! lol

You are obviously a great Dad & Grandpa! :-)

coffeypot said...

Dilling, I’m surprised that as many photos that eem-er has had made, that there would be a problem posing for a picture. Maybe if you left a bowl of beer in the water bowl it would be okay to try again.

Lori and Pugsley, I’m hoping Marni will bring the boys around for Santa pictures. But it is so far from where she lives that I doubt I will seem them. But if someone shows up with a pug, I will make sure I have my camera available for pictures.

e.craig, if it wasn’t for the good looking jeans, there would be some boring at times. I may go as long as an hour without someone coming by. I just sit there looking adorable and watch as the people go by.

J. I’ll be there.

Loreli, thank you! Being Santa has been fun, but I had rather be at home blogging.

katy said...

love it, we get to see lots of photos now well done coffeypot.
looking forward to seeing your dogs too

Pamela said...

this was so fun that I'm going to make my husband read it.

T. Sidoti said...

I want your job some day.

amy said...

OMG! You look just like Santa!

amy
thetextureofthings.com

GrizzBabe said...

You're a good man, coffeypot!

Now, try not to pinch the tight jeans as they walk by.

coffeypot said...

Katy, thanks! I’ll try to post a few pictures. I’m still not an IP specialist. I just barely know how to spell IP.

Pamels, why? Is he having a hard time going to sleep at night?

Tony, my “job” is being retired. Everything else is family commitment and devotion.

Amy, I look like Santa if he is having a anorexic spell. My belly backed Ho Ho Ho’s are more like Hee, Hee, Hee.

Grizzbabe, I don’t dare reach out and pinch them. But I do think they are being very naughty walking around like that and I they deserve a good spanking on their tight round… Whew! Sorry!

Christine said...

Wow, Santa, you're quite the babe! Let me tell you what I want for christmas wink wink....

coffeypot said...

Christine, I believe that if you set in my lap I wouldn't be able to concentrate. Blood leaving the brain and all... ya know. Ho Ho Ho Hee Hee Hee Oooh OOOH!

RWA said...

You have your camera - and yet you don't post ANY pictures of the tight-fitting jeans?

What's up with that?!?!?!?!!?

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I laughed my HEAD OFF reading this, this was GREAT! SO FUNNY! AND, great pictures too! Really fun! THANKS! Thanks for the lift!

"hold them gently, like a vice grip" LOL!

"I just tell them to blow it out their asses and get this damn dog off my lap." LOL!

Keep up the good work on all fronts. Mary :-D

coffeypot said...

rwa, my wife!

Mary, I try!

gawilli said...

Ball peen hammer! I love it. Thanks for that CP. I needed a laugh, and I am still giggling. We have an English Springer Spaniel that could use a good thump every now and again. I understand completely.

GREAT KIDS!! Those are real smiles. And they feel good.

Gawilli

coffeypot said...

gawilli, you can't tell because of the shag carpt I have across my face, but I am smilling with by kiddies, too. They make me smile all the time.

Marni said...

J-man looks like he needs to be in a boy band... what an awesome picture of that kid...

And Bug... well, she just looks like me! Bless her.

Samantha_K said...

Wow, I've never met a real life Santa before. I'm excited! No, seriously, I love that you are a PetSmart Santa.
I would be losing my mind and screaming at folks that pets aren't people, and get over it already...but I think I'm in the minority.

Biddie said...

LOL. Great post. Great photos, too!
You really are a good man, Santa Claus.

coffeypot said...

Samantha_k, you are not in the minority, unless you are in a Pet Smart. If you yelled that out in the store you might get hurt. But in the world, you are not alone in feeling. I’m not a REAL Santa, but if you set in my lap just right I might give you a Christmas that you will be talking about for your next 25 years. I just hope that it won’t be about pointing at me and laughing.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Love those dog-bone snow flakes! :-D

to copy card, click to enlarge, right click to save as or copy.