Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Bumper Stickers For The Aged

A friend sent me an email with a few bumper stickers from a web site called pccaregivers.com. Nekked Lizard Man also mentioned in a comment somewhere that he should get into the bumper sticker business. Well, NLM, here are a few bumper stickers to help you get started. That is, if you want to take advantage of us infirmed and aged.

I ask my wife if old men wear boxers or briefs.
She said Depends!

I’m so old...
I don’t buy green bananas.

Good by Tension! Hello Pension!

When I was younger, all I wanted was a nice BMW.
Now, I don’t care about the W.

I’m Retired!
I was tired yesterday and I’m tired again today.

I’m in the initial stages of my golden years.
SS, CD’s, IRS’s, AARP…

Sometimes I pee when I laugh!

I was at the beauty shop for nearly two hours,
And that was only for the estimate.

You know you are getting old when…
You throw a wild party and the neighbors didn’t realize it.

“The secret to staying young is to live honestly…
Eat slowly, and lie about your age.”

I must be getting older…
All the names in my phonebook end with MD

I’m not old.
I’m chronologically gifted.

God’s waiting room.

Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

At my age… Flowers scare me!

I’m so old… when I eat out,
They ask for the money up front.

I’m so old… all my friends in Heaven
Will think I didn’t make it.

It ain’t the age, it’s the damn mileage.

Support Bingo!
Keep Grandma off the streets.

When did my wild oats…
Turn into prunes and brand?

Old Age comes at a very bad time.

You know you are getting old when…
Happy Hour is a NAP!

Twice the husband; half the money.

It’s not that I am afraid to die…
I just don’t want to be around when it happens.


e.Craig Crawford said...

Very good. I plan to grow old .. just not gracefully. I have finally hit 165 lbs, a loss of 35 lbs over the past year .. and have started some "light" weight training.

Coffeypot said...

Very good for you, e.craig. I could get down to 165 lbs, but it would take an enema. Being 6’3” and weighing 165 lbs would be pretty pitiful. I’d be happy to be at 200.

Pamela said...

A few new ones here. A couple of them hit toooo close to home.

I have seen a few over the years on the backs of trucks (and on old mens hats) that pushed the envelope.

Unknown said...

The 12 year old grasped tightly the hand of his grandmother as they walked the 2 miles to the gravesite where they would lay the remains of his recently departed grandfather. Inquired the young lad, "How old are you Granny?" "I'm 86. Why do you ask?" After a few minutes pause the child looked into her eyes and tenderly said, "I'm just wondering if it would even pay you to walk back."

Somewhat in the same vein...

Southern (in)Sanity said...

I don't know where you come up with this stuff, but it's always hilarious.

ccw said...

I absolutely love the green banana one. That is so funny.

Old Lady said...

Yes, and don't be lending any money out either.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Experience is a wonderful thing.
It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

I love that one, it's perfect for me! I love them all, very funny!

Coffeypot said...

Pamela, we get away with it because we are old and senile and cute.

Jim, my grandson and I were cutting up with each other and I said, “Boy, I’ll take you out.” He said, “No you want, PawPaw. You would go to prison for life if you did.” He paused for a minuet and then said, “That’s okay, PawPaw, you wouldn’t be there long.”

RWA, I have people from all over the country send me stuff every day, as I do the same to them. If you want on the distribution list let me know. Any of you. I laugh a lot, plus I get a lot of religious shit, too. Some are pretty inspirational. I’ll forward them, too.

CCW, I know. At the Waffle House, they make me pay for my coffee before they pour it.

Old Lady, Money? What’s that? I’m too busy thinking about your hair to worry about money.

Mary, the only problem with the experience is that I recognize it several times for the same thing. I don’t learn easily, I guess.

Coffeypot said...

Oh, Mary, you guys are having more Democratic troubles with your Mayor and his honey aren't you? I need to either be a preacher or in politics. That is the only way I could be guaranteed to get laid.

Burfica said...

sometimes I pee when I laugh too. lol

Coffeypot said...

burfica, I bet, when you go to a comedy club, it is very uncomfortable sitting there with a bucket between your legs.

Olly said...

I still like the bumper sticker I saw a few years age: Jesus is coming - look busy!

Coffeypot said...

olly, but not with a hammer and nails in your hand. Chunk them in the bushes.

GrizzBabe said...

Sometimes, I pee when I laugh too! I thought that meant the joke was really funny.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

It’s not that I am afraid to die…
I just don’t want to be around when it happens.

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I'm just afraid to die.

I hope I don't get Alzheimers and am absent when it happens, though.