Thursday, June 26, 2008

Murphy's Law Expanded

Below are a few laws of nature that I have faced or have been effected by. I'm sure you can relate to a few of these, too.

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Do you have any to add?


Cap'n Ergo Jinglebollocks said...

I dunno 'bout that Starbucks law-- their coffee is so friggin' HOT that it would take a REAL BIG project for it to be cold...

Excellent post, as per ususal!!

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

I love this one: Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet. And most of the others, they are great.

I have a variation on the law of close encounters: The uglier you clothes are, the more unkempt you are, or the more gobs of goo you have spilled down your front, the more likely you are to meet someone you don't want to see you in that condition.

And this one: I know this from personal experience from having walked alone 139 miles on the Northville-Placid trail--you can walk for hours without seeing anyone, but the minute you have to pee and step into the bushes next to the trail, a party of 20 or more will come along.

I'll be out of town most of the next three weeks though July 20. We'll be camping the last two weeks in Michigan's U.P. (Upper Peninsula) and will be totally incommunicado.

Have a great Month and a great 4th!

coffeypot said...

cap'n, I believe a nuclear reactor would cool off faster than a S/B cup of coffee.

mary, those are good additions and really true. Enjoy the U.P.

Pamela said...

Pam's law: The paper is always strongest at the perforation.

e.Craig Crawford said...

Tried and true laws. Even Pam's Law. I like the Check-out Lane Law of Probability. If you enter the fastest moving check-out lane in a store or market, it will immediately become the slowest.