Sunday, September 07, 2008

Why Men Don't Write Advice Columns and Other Stuff

 

Dear Coffeypot: I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work in my Volvo 1800 leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a mile down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help.

When I got home I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom having sex with the neighbor lady. I am 32, my husband is 34, and we have been married for twelve years.

When I confronted him, he broke down and admitted that they had been having an affair for the past six months. I told him to stop or I would leave him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and worthless. I love him very much, but ever since I gave him the ultimatum he has become increasingly distant. He won't go to counseling and I'm afraid I can't get through to him anymore.

Can you please help?

Sincerely, Sheila


Dear Sheila: An 1800 stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum lines and hoses on the in- take manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the carburetor float chamber.

I hope this helps. – Coffeypot.

*********

 

In another bit of news, I am on my way to Charleston, SC, for my Navy Reunion and I won't be back home till Sunday afternoon. I'll be taking my laptop, but you know how it is when the Navy hits town. Especial the guys I served with. We'll drink a couple of beers, tell a lie or two and then go to the room and fall asleep.

I can't do that shit anymore.

The above picture is some guys who served in the 60's, including some survivors from the sinking. I am on the second row, third from left. My pal, Quartermaster Chuck is on the top row on the left, and my good friend Chief Earl is two over from Chuck. Now you know why we don't paint the town red anymore. We can't even color with crowns and stay inside the lines anymore. We are over the hill, I tell ya. Okay! It's just me. They will be partying all night. I'll yell at them to keep it down, but they won't hear me.

See y'all later.
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19 comments:

Pamela said...

yeah.. i know.. I can't even paint my own toenails.. sigh.

e.Craig Crawford said...

I'll bet you're a party animal. By the way .. that sounded like good advice to me.

Have a GREAT reunion!

Brother Dave said...

As for the advice, I say you drilled down to all the right trouble-shooting steps. The lady should be grateful.

Enjoy your reunion. Come back alive.

little wanderer said...

you got that right then why men don't write advice LOL.
hope you had a great re-union and that you behaved mmmmmmmm

Nobody™ said...

Great advice.

And damn, you are an old fart!

Tookie Tail said...

We know underneath it all you're wild and crazy! Have a Fun Reunion!

Burfica said...

My hubby has just got in contact again with some of his buddies in the navy.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

There you are! :-D

HAVE A GREAT TIME!!! We'll miss you if yr too drunk or busy to post.

Biddie said...

I hope that you had a blast at your navy reunion. :)

Scarlet said...

What kind of advice was that??!!??

You know you were wrong and was trying to be funny. Sheila, if you're reading this, don't take his advice. Sell the bloody thing. Volvo's are not cheap to repair.

thank god i'm here to help.

MManley said...

Enjoy the reunion and behave yourself. Ha! I won't be able to attend this year, say Hi to everyone and tell them I'm doing OK.

Cooper Green said...

Hey, I must have fallen asleep. Did I miss anything?

chesneygirl said...

The reunion sounds great!
Have a terrific time!!

Trukindog said...

I think your advice column advice was spot on bud, good job.

Have a great time at your reunion and hey...Thank You for fighting for our freedom. I salute you.

Cap'n Ergo "Carthage" Jinglebollocks said...

What? That sounds like perfectly sage and reasonable advice to me. Why aren't you syndicated in 500 of America's greatest newspapers yet??

As for the reunion, I think that's great. I'm not a military man myself, but I know a great deal of folken who are (including a few fellow Navy) and it's a Good Thing to see these gents in person.

As for "going to bed", I noticed you never mentioned WITH WHOM. I have high hopes for you (and even higher hopes that you'll send me pictures).

Special K said...

I'd love to hang out with you guys!!!

coffeypot said...

Mary, Darling! Everyone was asking for and about you. I have tried to call but got a message that your phone was disconnected. I assumed you move closer to family or something.

Folks, Mary’s husband, Tom, is two over from me in the picture (looking down) and he passed away Feb. 9th. He was one of the survivors of the sinking in 1969 and he and Mary were tireless workers with the association. He was love and is greatly missed. He was a quiet and humble man who served his country and his God and his family in more ways than just being in the Navy. As the submariners say about the one’s who never came home, “He is now on eternal patrol.”

The Bible says that on the seventh day He rested. He could do that without worry because he had a detachment of Army and Marines guarding his Ass while a Navy fleet cruised His shores and an Air Force flight guarded His skies. Tom is now a member of that fleet, so rest assured we will be alright.

RWA said...

I am going to stay away from your "advice" column...for now, at least.

I hope you have a safe trip and enjoy the time with your friends. Tell them all that an internet buddy says thanks for their service.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

ha ha ha ha again