Tusday Funnies

 

Quotes:
Did you ever notice how they have commercials on TV with detergents that get out the blood stains? IF you have blood all over your shirt, I don’t think laundry is your biggest problem. – Jerry Seinfeld

The prime purpose of eloquence is to keep other people from talking. – Louis Vermeil

Why are there luggage stores in airports? Who forgets their suitcase and have you ever seen a guy with an armload of shirts going, ‘Hooray! A suitcase.’ – Jay Mohr

Jokes:
Most single men sort their laundry into two piles:
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable.”

More and more doctors are running their practices lie an assembly line. One fella walked into a doctor’s office and the receptionist asked him what he had.

He said, “Shingles!”

So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minuets later a nurse’s aide came out and asked him what he had.

He said, “Shingles!”

So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room. A half-hour later a nurse came in and asked him what he had.

He said, “Shingles!”

So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.

He said, “Shingles!”

The doctor looked him over and asked, “Where do you have shingles?”

He said, “Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?”

*****

I have CDO. It’s like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, like they’re supposed to be.

There are three kinds of people in the world – those who are good at math and those who aren’t.

*****

“What’s the quickest way from here to Philadelphia?”

“Are you walking or driving?”

“I’m driving.”

“Yep! That’s definitely the quickest way.”


This Isn't My Best Work - But I Had To Try