Okay, it's Sunday but I expect you to know these quotes for a test on Monday. Yeah, I know. I don't do test anymore, either. I even have a hard time doing a urine test. But there are some good ones, so enjoy.
If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had.
- I. F. Stone
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.
- George Bernard Shaw
History is more or less bunk.
- Henry Ford
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa
If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.
- Bertrand Russell
Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.
- Robert Heinlein
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure?
- Harry Shearer
It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
- Sam Levenson
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
- George Burns
When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right.
- Albert Guinon
It is always easier to believe than to deny. Our minds are naturally affirmative.
- John Burroughs
I think that one possible definition of our modern culture is that it is one in which nine-tenths of our intellectuals can't read any poetry.
- Randall Jarrell
The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it.
- C. P. Snow
Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in.
- Leonardo da Vinci
By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.
- Mark Twain
Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.
- James M. Barrie
Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.
- Ronald Reagan
If you look good and dress well, you don't need a purpose in life.
- Robert Pante
It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.
- Oscar Wilde