Friday, November 06, 2009

I'm A Celebrity

I’m a celebrity!

Let me explain!

I picked up the J-Man and Bug (the grand-kiddies) this afternoon for our weekend visit. It was just the three of us and we stopped off at a sports bar for a great order of Buffalo Wings. It is one of J-Man’s favorite eating places because the waitresses are so hot (he’s a 14 year old hard-on) and I like their wings. Honest, it’s the wings that keeps me coming back. I don’t know anything about their breast. Honest! They never cross my mind. It’s the wings…

Anyways, we finished and I paid the bill. The kiddies went to the restroom and when we came back they just swung by the table. So I was getting up to follow them when this beautiful little lady got in from of me and asked if my wife was with me.

My first thoughts were, “I’m sorry, lady, for what ever I did, but you don’t have to tell my wife about it. I’ll settle out of court - in cash - if you will just let me leave without any trouble.” or “Why does she want my wife??? What did I do??? I’ve never seen this lady before in my life.”

Then, in the midst of my panic she said, “I have been following Marni for ages. I recognize the kids from pictures on her blog and I emailed her about a book one time. I don't have a blog; I just lurk.”

Whew! I almost passed out with relief and started to kiss her for not having charges brought against me. Then I thought, “Great! Just fucking great. You get off the hook and jump right back on the damn thing by attacking this lovely little lady.”

I do shit like that all the time, and I don’t know how it happens. Read my post on going to the movies by myself if you don’t believe me. And, so far, I haven’t had to do any time or pay for any abortions or child support. But this could have been the exception - because I do weird shit and have senior moments where I don‘t remember stuff.

Anyways, I told her Marni is my daughter and her eyebrows went up and she grabbed my arm and said, “Are you Coffeypot? Oh my God, I have been reading your blog for a long time.” I was embarrassed that this beautiful, smiling, vitreous, little lady had been reading my blog. Her virgin eyes should not be seeing stuff like I put out. Recon her mom knows? I may be in lockup before the night is over after all.

She then turned to her friend at their table and said she was so excited about meeting a celebrity. That’s when I started laughing.

I called Marni, who was having her hair done, (see)

and let them do the ‘girl meeting girl thingy’ females and some gays are so famous for. In the meantime I gathered up the kids who were chomping at the bits to get outside and jump some bushes because that is what bored kids do.

We talked for a few minutes and made her promise to comment next time she came to Marni’s or my blog. She doesn’t have one because, like many of us who first started this weird world of blogging thought, she wasn’t funny and that no one would want to read her stuff. Silly girl. If she only knew.

Anyway, her food was getting cold and her beer warm so before I left I ask her to let me take her picture. I didn’t ask her if she minded my saying her name (or that I was going to blog about this,) so I will just call her Smiley.

Ain't she purty!

That was one of the nicest and strangest things that has ever happened to me, and it made my night. I’m a celebrity! So y’all start treating me with more respect. And I will send out autographed photos of myself to the highest bidders.

Chao! (that's what us celeb's say when we leave the room.)


Brother Dave said...

Re: "…autographed photos of [your]self to the highest bidder…"

Put it up on eBay. I see an immediate retirement for you due to highly increased wealth.

Matty said...

This is just too cool. What are the chances of that?

It won't be long and they'll be lining up for your autograph.

Tracie said...

Small world. That is really neat.

Ed said...

I wish I got recognized from my blog, instead of those stupid wanted posters.

You lucky ass!

Coffeypot said...

Ed, I thought it was from your porn movie posters.

Anonymous said...

Yay!! That's awesome!! Cute girl!! At least it wasn't a middleaged mommy like me!! haha!! Tina

Southern (in)Sanity said...

That's fantastic. Very well done.

Anonymous said...

Time for Celebrity Coffee to hit the shelves!

trashyashlee said...

As I promised, I'm commenting, it's me Smiley, aka Ashlee. I thoroughly enjoyed our "chance" meeting. I feel like we are kinfolk now. You have made me a celebrity too mainly because I am going to share this with everyone I know including my mother but don't worry, she's the daughter of a sailor so she is used to your kind:) I hope we can meet again someday because you are good people. Thanks for making my night and weekend, heck, let's make it a month.

The Peach Tart said...

Small world coffeypot

Marni said...

If I'd known you were going to POST THAT DAMN PICTURE I wouldn't have sent it.. HAHAHAHA!

Oh well...

Smiley is the cutest thing! I can't wait to hear from her!

Coffeypot said...

Anon Tina, I would have been just as excited and amazed if she had been a toothless 90 year old. It was such a cool meeting.

Mr. R. Thank you, coming for a great writer like yourself it means a lot.

Secretia, the only shelves I hit are at the liquor store.

Ashley, thanks for commenting and proving I was telling the truth. Don't underestimate moms when it comes to their daughters. I'm going into hiding. You have Marni's email and mine is, so if you want to start a blog one of will help you. This is Marni's profession, kinda, so she would be the best to contact.

P.T. it is a small world and I still owe you a cup of coffee or a quart of Scotch or tea or something.

Marni, she did comment. Maybe she will be contacting you soon.

Mala said...

Very cool! Things like this always remind me of one thing; you can't get away with shit! Damn small world.

I got recognized from my blog once. I was in Kazahkstan of all places. I'm kinda a big deal over there. OK, not really.

Coffeypot said...

Mala, being a big deal in any place is cool...okay, being on Obama's watch list wouldn't be too cool, but being recognized in any way certainly is. She is a sweetie, too (though she is calling her trashyashlee.) Trashy is cool, too.

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

Ha ha ha yr a riot, Coffey!! This was a really fun post to read, keep up the good work.