My Word Is Law

The wife and I were at Wal Mart picking up some stuff for stocking stuffers. She noticed a display of blue jeans for $8.00 a pair.

There are a few things you need to know before I go on.

First of all I HATE to shop for anything except groceries. HATE IT!

Second, I only wear blue jeans or shorts. I have a couple of slack type pants for special occasions, but I go no where special, so they just hang in the closet. I own one suit that gets worn maybe once a year.

I have two pair of jeans that do not have holes in the knees. I like holes. It gives the jeans character. All are comfortable and fit the way I like them. They are family to me, and well taken care of in their old age.

Judy wants me to have some new jeans. She argues that most of my jeans have holes and the two who don’t are faded and worn looking.

I told her to not talk so loud and to be nice. I was wearing one of my holey jeans and the senior member of my jean collection would get his feelings hurt. She scoffed.

And an argument ensued - right in the middle of Wal Mart. But no one paid any attention, of course. It is Wal Mart, after all. But we argued because I don’t want to buy jeans right here at Christmas. The kiddies need stuff. She needs stuff. I need nothing.

So I told her that in no way was I spending any money on a cheap pair of jeans just because the are on sale for $8 per. I don’t want the Goddamn things. Read my lips, Dammit. It’s my final word, NO! And I walked off.

She’s pissed, too. Call’s me names, tells me not to go by the Sports department because there are knives and pool sticks and things she can use on me. But, Dammit I have spoken.

So now I have two new pairs of jeans. I’ll even wear one pair tonight when I go to the kiddies school band Christmas concert. I know! I will be hot and all the ladies will be eyeing my studly pair of $8 jeans and daydreaming. Sorry girls! You will just have to suffer and wish. Why not…that’s what I do when I see one of you in a great pair of jeans. It’s payback time.