How To Spot A Redneck with a DUI Conviction
Redneck Medical Terms
Pubic Hair, a type of wild rabbit.
Asphalt, describes rectal problems.
Condom, a large apartment.
Douche, the French word for "twelve.
Genitals, people of non-Jewish descent.
Diaphragm, a drawing in Geometry.
Fetus, a character on Gunsmoke.
Erection, when Japanese people vote.
Dildo, a variety of the sweet pickle.
Umbilical Chord, part of a parachute.
Spread Eagle, an extinct bird.
Menstrual Cycle, has three wheels.
Clitoris, a type of flower.
Testacies, found on an octopus.
Kotex, a radio station in Cincinnati.
Masturbate, used to catch large fish.
Barium, what a undertaker does to’em once the doctors are through with’em.
Benign, what a child be after he be eight.
Cauterize, to have gotten noticed by a woman.
Cyst, to give someone in need a helpin’ hand.
Dilate, beats dying early.
Impotent, significant and distinguished.
Node, to have been acquainted with someone in the past.
Pap Smear, to insult or belittle your own father.
Pathology, the study of trails.
Rectum, crashed’ and totaled’em.
Tumor, not just one more.
X-Rayed, For adult audiences only.
Redneck Computer Terms
BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MAC - Big Bubba's favorite fast food
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear
MASTERPIECE #1650 - Piero del Pollaiolo, Italian *"Darn -- I Never Thought I'd Be Up Here, So I Didn't Write a Speech,"* 1475 Oil on canvas
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