Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Garden Snakes, also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophis sirtalis, can be dangerous. Yes, pretty little grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Let me explain...

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted; the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat.

By now, the police had arrived.

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over. The lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it sparked and started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog. The dog, who was startled, jumped up and raced into the street where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, knocking out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out).

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife told her husband to bring in their plants for the night.

And that's when he shot her.


LL said...

memo to self: Do not bring potted plants into the house.

Coffeypot said...

Wise decision, LL.

Sarge Charlie said...

memo to coffeypot, all snakes are dangerous, it is call heart attack.

Anonymous said...

Shit gets complicated sometimes.

Coffeypot said...

Sarge, I have almost had one before when I stepped on one. It was a king snake and I was frantically trying to remember the poem to decide if it was poisonous or not.

Scertia, HAHAHA So Right.

Paxford said...

>Coffeypot. You guys have POEMS about how dangerous a snake is? Wow!

Over here (Australia)- home of eight of the ten deadliest snakes in the world - we assume they are ALL dangerous.

Snake phobia?? Not me! - I *know* they are out to get me (quick! hand me the shovel!)

[Downunder but considering a move any day now ;D]

Golden To Silver Val said...

If such a thing can be....I am MORE than terrified of snakes. But insects are a close second. I brought a potted plant inside once (notice I say ONCE) and later kept hearing a clicking noise. Upon MUCH investigation I found a huge beetle the size of Manhattan in the dirt in the pot. The pot, plant, dirt AND beetle went flying out the door in a hurry. I never knew I could lift something that heavy. LOLOLOL

Ed said...


Matty said...

Talk about a domino effect. WOW.

AirmanMom said...

When I was a kid we had a pet Boa Constrictor by the name of Carr who was only 6 foot long. One night my mom came home from her weekly bridge game, to find the snake coiled underneath the blankets with my dad sound asleep. Her scream woke my dad. I'm still shocked neither of my folks died that night! (my mom fromm a heart attack, or my dad being konked on the head by my mom)

Miss Em said...

When I was a kid living in Lockport, La., I was the one that was usually put in the front of everyone when we hiked to the old fishin hole out in the swamps. The reason...I found any snakes that were in the tall grass by stepping on them. Everyone would then use their long cane fishin poles to move the grass to see where the snake crawled off to.

Those were always the best broad-jumps I ever made.
Oh and when Mom found out that's why the boys always took me fishin...well...that was the end of fishin but Not the end of me finding snakes the hard way.

Miss Em
[and that IS a true story...even if you don't want to believe it]

gayle said...

Love this!! Hate snakes!!