Monday, March 01, 2010

Redneck Monday - Answers To Y're Questions


What do rednecks call duct tape?
Chrome.

What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Redneck zoo?
On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name in Latin. A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.

Did you hear about the redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.

What's the most popular pick up line in Arkansas?
Nice tooth!

Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar Georgia State Lottery?
The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.

What do a divorce in Arkansas, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
Somebody is fixin' to lose them a house trailer.

Why do folks from Arkansas go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under are not admitted.

What do you get when you have 32 Alabamans in the same room?
A full set of teeth.

Did you hear that the Governors mansion in Tenessee burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.

Did ya hear about the new law was recently passed in Arkansas?
When a couple gets a divorce they're still brother and sister.

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.

What's the difference between Virginia and West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

What do they call "Hee Haw" in Tenessee?
A documentary.

What do they call it in Kentucky?
"Life Styles of the Rich and Famous."

How many rednecks does it take to eat a 'possum?
Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.

Why did God invent armadillos?
So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half shell.

Have you seen Alabama’s new state quarter?
It's two dimes and a nickel taped together.

Why, in South Georgia are there signs saying “pecans ahead”?
Wouldn’t “restrooms ahead” be more appropriate?

What’s the difference between a northern girl and a southern girl?
A northern girl says you can and a southern girl says you all can.

How’s a redneck tell the difference between a bull and a cow in the dark?
He sticks his nose in the animal’s ass. If there’s a place for his tongue, it’s a cow.

Why do rednecks like the doggie position?
That way they can both watch wrestling.

What’s the difference between a good ol’ boy and a redneck?
The good ol’ boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.

What do you get when you have 32 Tennesseeians in the same room?
A full set of teeth.

Do you know the best bar pick-up line in Kentucky?
“Hey, you don’t sweat much for a fat broad.”

How do you know when your staying in an Georgia hotel?
When you call the front desk and say “I’ve gotta leak in my sink” and the person at the front desk says “go ahead.”

What is a Redneck’s defense in court?
“Honest your Honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence.”

14 comments:

Eternally Distracted said...

I need to be less British to understand these properly I think! ;0)

Secretia said...

These are really original and funny.

Secretia

Miss Em said...

OOOOOOooooooooooo

Bad Coffeypot. Bad Coffeypot.

Miss Em
LOMAO

CI-Roller Dude said...

A funny thing about Red Neck jokes...I can easily change them into Bosnian jokes, or in some cases, Iraqi jokes.
"What do you have when you have 500 Iraqis detained?

A bad smell.
Did you hear about the Bosnian who went to work? I didn't either.

Coffeypot said...

Eternally Distracted, email me any questions you have. I just find the stereotype of southern people known as rednecks or hillbillies funny. Since I am one, it is even funnier. Be glad to explain anything you need clarification with.

Secretia, you laugh a lot anyway. Thanks!

Miss Em, yes, I am bad. Do I get a spanking now?

Dude, the last one could be said about the Haitian’s, too.

Olly said...

Haha! Thanks for the great start to the week! I love RedNeck Monday!!!

Christine said...

Why do redneck women love family reunions?

A yearly chance to find Mr. Right.

CI-Roller Dude said...

But I knew a "good ol' boy" in the Army. When we joked about going to family reunions to meet girls, he gave us a funny look and said:"hey, I do that."

Oh crap, I think he was too dumb to know any better and too dumb to know we were picking oh his family...his mom and dad were also cousins...

Special K said...

I love the redneck jokes, I am a proud Hillbilly (is there a difference? I don't think so) LOL

Anyway, around here Pecan is pronounced puh-cahn, so that makes that restroom joke null and void for me, I had to read it twice to get it so yeah you can laugh at me.

Special K said...

Well guess we ain't that original.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_correctly_pronounce_pecan

Special K said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Special K said...

Oops had a duplicate there. Sorry!

Tracie said...

'Possum on the half shell' is a delicacy around these parts.

Pamela said...

Ive been watching and reading my way down to this post.
You find the most horrible stuff. ha ha ha.

(and we keep coming back for more. tsk)