Monday, May 17, 2010

Redneck Monday - You Might Be or Not

Always trying to find a good home for the less fortunate.
You're welcome!


And

In all due respect to Jeff Foxworthy:

Ya might be a Redneck if.....
...You think the nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
...You wont stop at a rest area if you have a empty beer can in the car.
...You think Iraq is top-of-the-line Camaro.
...Your spring wardrobe mostly involves scissors.
...you know at least 6 ways to bend a baseball cap.
...you own a lava lamp that’s over 5 feet tall.
...there are more than 10 cats living under your trailer.
...you've ever thrown up in a squad car.
...your first bra was a Wonder Bra.
...you've ever had to appear in court due to your dogs.
...You think Thunderbird is an acceptable wine choice with a bean burrito.
...your grandma enters wet t-shirt contests.
...your local grocery store also has a few pool tables.
...your septic tank is the subject of a petition.
...you have ever tried to use food stamps to mail a watermelon.
...you had to hitchhike on your honeymoon.
...your car and its motor are more than ten feet apart.
...stealing road signs is a family outing.
...your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
...you sent out birth announcements for your new blue-tick puppies.
...you've changed a diaper on a Denny's table.
...you've ever named a child for a good dog.
...your T.V. is on 24-7.
...your last keg party included a couple of 911 calls.
...you have to mow around a refrigerator and a bed frame.
...you've ever taken a date flowers you stole from a cemetery.
...everyone in the house learns something from the potty training videotape.
...diners change tables when your family sits near them.
...your prom dress was knitted.
...you were born with a plastic spoon in your mouth.
...your bridal veil was made of window screen.
...you think people who have electricity are uppity.
...your college graduation ceremony includes parallel parking an 18-wheeler.
...the Marlboro man is your idol.
...all your golf balls come in egg cartons.

And for the more educated redneck:



A visiting professor at Texas A & M University is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Now, has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student replies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost? Damn! From back there I thought you said 'goats'!"
.
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8 comments:

AirmanMom said...

Happy Monday! These are too funny.
~AM

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

Its all good but I loved the cat.

Tracie said...

Whew! Still not a redneck. I'll keep checking though. :)

Miss Em said...

Guess I must be on that list somewhere[??]. Some of them sounded so "jast dang fimiliar that it falt luke ol hume waak".

See you in the back of the beer coolor.

Miss Em

Momma Fargo said...

that cat pic..oh my. LMAO

rxBambi said...

bahahahaha! Love it!

clew said...

LOL. Free cat.

Ed said...

Goats?

Hahahahaha

Fess up. That was you that said that. Wasn't it?