Saturday, June 26, 2010

Cops Are Funny, Too

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.. Sign here."


Matty said...

I love them. When people say some smart ass things to the police, and they deserve a smart ass answer.

Wrexie said...

Ohhh... stop! I'm pretty sure I'm on my last warning. haha

But I like funny cops...

The Empress said...

Love this...especially the ticket to the "pretty woman."

Coffeypot said...

Matty and Your Majesty, it amazes me that a cop can let people say shit and the just let it run off their backs like water to a duck.

Wrexie, I know you do. Me, too. Did you meet any funny cops when you were getting your fingerprints registered?

Wrexie said...

No funny cops...he was a very serious (but he had the big ass we were buddies.) I said, "It's harder to be a teacher than a convict around here, huh?" ...he laughed and speeded up the process.

Miss Em said...

After I got waved over to the side of the road by 1 of 3 in a radar gun testin area, that one cop walked up to the window, which was down, and stood there watchin me laugh.
He finially asked what was so funny.
I said to him 'I had a choice I could sit here and laugh because my ass got caught speedin or I could go into hysterics...Which one would you like?'
He stood there for a moment and then smiled and said 'Laughin sound pretty good to me.'
I smiled at him and said 'It sounded good to me too.'

Havin a sense of humor helps on both sides.

Oh and instead of gettin a ticket for 55 in a 35 I got one for doin 47 in a 35 which was about $300 less.

Miss Em

ps. Loved the comments by the cops. ;D

CI-Roller Dude said...

I have actually used many of these lines, like #7 & 8.
The real problem is not the cops not having a sense of humor, but you'd be surprised how many citizens have none! Oh my gosh...they almost never laugh.

Coffee Slut said...

Too funny! Thanks for sharing!

Coffeypot said...

Wrexie - at least you got a chuckle out of him, no small feet for jailers.

Miss EM - I have to agree with CI Dude, I’m too pissed at ME to be laughing.

Dude - What to laugh at. Fucker!

CS - Your welcome

Mrsblogalot said...

Fantastic! And I can fully appreciate the humor as long as it's not me being pulled over (-:

Citizen Soldier said...

Coffey you always make me laugh out loud on some of the thing you blog about. I might have to steal this from you. I hope you don't mind.

Coffeypot said...

CS - be my guest. As long as people are at least smiling, I'm happy.

Misblogalot - unlike Miss Em, no one laughs at getting a ticket. Well, maybe the cops...

Miss Em said...

Hey Coffeypot the last ticket I got for speeding before this one was 30 years ago. Just had to laugh because it took them 30 years to catch my fat ass again.

Miss Em

Momma Fargo said...

Absolutely love it! And they are all true. LOL

ScoMan said...

A cop in New Zealand pulled over a couple of kids walking out of a gas station with a hot dog at 2 in the morning to lecture them about food poisoning and how long the hot dog had probably been there for.

I don't think they have real crime in New Zealand.