Monday, June 28, 2010

Redneck Monday - Redneck Songs and Sayings

Rednecks are the sensitive type, too. We love our music and we sing from the bottom of our hearts about life’s journey. Here are 25 of the greatest Redneck Ballards.

25) Git your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cuz I'm Kissin ya Goodbye
24) Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Hart Was Pure
23) How Can I Miss Ya If You Won't Go Away?
22) I Don't Know Whether to Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
21) I Bought A Car Frum A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run, So We're Even
20) I Keep Furgittin' I Furgot About You
19) I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
18) I Still Miss Ya Baby, But My Aim's Gittin' Better
17) I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fite, Cuz I'm Afraid She'd Win
16) I'll Marry Ya Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
15) I'm So Miserable Without Ya, It's Like Havin' You Here
14) I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back And Cryin' Over You
13) If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
12) If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
11) Mama Git a Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
10) My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You
9) My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
8) Please Bypass This Heart
7) She Got The Ring and I Got The Finger
6) You Done Tore Out My Heart and Stomped That Sucker Flat
5) You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
4) If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
3) She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles
2) She's Looking Better After Every Beer
... and the number 1 Redneck song of all time. . .
1) How Come My Dog Don’t Bark When You Come Around
(actually, some of these are real songs)

And one of the hottest redneck gals in the world is my honey, Maxine. She says, “As You Slide Down the Bannister of Life - Remember…”

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written An impressive new book. It's called - 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink And be Mary..

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant FLASH and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes - now there's shipping and handling, too.

8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just Vending machines and a large trash can.

11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may The splinters never point the wrong way.

13. My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself.

Be who you are and say what you feel... because those that matter don't mind... and those that mind don't matter!


Angie said...

When you say "Cuz" in #25, is that as in "because" or "cousin"...he he! Love your blog!

Tracie said...

Which of those songs are real? I'm trying to figure it out but too lazy to Google. Funny stuff!

Ace said...

#18....He wouldn't be missin' her if he'd gone rat shootin' at the dump for practice like the rest of the rednecks.

Wrexie said...

9. vending machines...
I shoulda thought of that sooner! I would have a room full of quarters by now.

Is that a Dr. Seuss quote at the bottom? hehee...

Coffeypot said...

Hey, Angie! Welcome, and in this instance Cuz is Because. I looked up the lyrics.

Tracie, almost all of them are real songs, tho some of the titles are part of lyrics in a song with a similar name.

ACE great point. When I was a kid we had two barns in our backyard and rats (big as cats) would run across a little rise in the ground from the barn to the woods. Dad would sit on the top step of the back porch with his 22 and pop them as they ran across. It was like shooting ducks at the shooting gallery.

Wrexie…wow! Yes it is. I’m impressed.

Two Normal Moms said...

Thoroughly enjoyed those - and I love Maxine.


Lickety Splitter said...

You are a fountain of redneck and sarcastic wisdom. :)