Monday, August 09, 2010

Redneck Monday - Proverbs and 10 Commandments

There are many rules in life and some of these rules are derived from proverbs. Here are a few of those proverbs that may help you get through life.

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on. the. spot.

4. 99 % of lawyers give the rest a bad name

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, THINKS SLOWEST.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture most people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psych-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. Ok, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, your're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember--if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chololates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today may burn your butt tomorrow.

And fer you religious types outthar that may wind up in a rural church, you may need to understad the simplicity of the language. So to help you better understand, here is a redneck version of the 10 Commandments.

1. Jest One God
2. Honor Yer Ma and Pa
3. No Tellin’ Tails or Gossipin’
4. Get Yea Self To Sunday Meetin’
5. Put Nuttin Afore God
6. No Foolin Around Wif Another Dudes Gal.
7. No Killin’ - Even If’en They Need It
8. Watch Ya Mouth
9. Don’t Take What Ain’t yourns
10. Don’t Be Hankering For Your Buddy’s Stuff

That help any? Should! If not...your stupid.


ScoMan said...

I like "Depressions is just anger without enthusiasm" and the one about the second mouse getting the cheese the most.

Matty said...

I need to print this cause I sure won't remember most of them. I'm gonna tell some of these.

Wrexie said...

Sometimes I think life is a box of Atomic Fireballs.

Weezer said...

I swear you crack me up!! I can always count on you to add some laughter to my day.
Did you get that 1919 poster out of my eMail? That's one of my very very most favorite pictures.
I'm the one in the middle! Um Hm

Lickety Splitter said...

22. Just remember--if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

Finally ... an explanation I can live with.

Ed said...

Is it bad if I had to reread some of these before I got them?

Nancy said...

Love thosse Redneck Mondays, at least it gets me thru them. - Still like life is like a box of chocolates tho - yum yum.

Wait, that's my nick name. GO figure !!!

middle child said...

Awesome Proverbs!

AirmanMom said...

Happy Monday (on Tuesday)