Saturday, August 28, 2010

Signs of the Times

Signs help us out in many ways.
They guide us, inform us, and, well…


Over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck:
“Yesterday's Meals on Wheels”

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit, please back in. "

On a Plumber's truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

On a Church's billboard:
"7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office:
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff.”

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station:
"Thank heaven for little grills."

"Best place in town to take a leak."

On the Back of Another Septic Tank Truck:
“Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises.”


ScoMan said...

I keep telling my boss we need a sign on our accounting office:

"I guarantee I'll get your maximum tax refund"

Then when people come in and ask where their refund is, tell them to read the sign again.

Coffeypot said...

On of the signs in my office (back in the day) was: "The beatings will continue until the moral improves."

Lickety Splitter said...

In a Non-smoking Area:
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

That's funny to me .. cuz my 'rents tried to kill me by smoking me out of the house and into the hospital where I had a near death experience due to pneumonia and asthma. Poor little six year old me.