Monday, September 06, 2010

Senior Church Moments

A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation that could pay him more.

There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave.

Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the city stands up and proclaims,

"If the Preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!"

The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds.

Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says,

"If the Preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!

"More sighs and loud applause.

Joe Tavares stands up and says ,if the preacher stays I will provide him with all the wine he wants.

Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the Preacher stays, I will give him sex!"

There is total silence. The Preacher, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?"

Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies,

"Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, "Screw him!"

Isn't senility wonderful?
Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!!


ScoMan said...

I love the last line. "Keep your arm around your shoulder and your hand over my mouth"

Makes sense.

Jamie said...


Once again, you have started my week off right.

Happy Tuesday that feels like Monday, Coffey.


blueeyedtawni said...

hahahahahaaa that is freaking funny :D

Lickety Splitter said...

I guess the preacher can now sing with gusto ... ~Me and Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Jones, we got a thing going on.~