Thursday, January 27, 2011

ATM INSTRUCTIONS



A new Bank Lobbyn sign reads:


'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-Through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, "MALE & FEMALE" procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'

*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
*******************************
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
.
.

14 comments:

powdergirl said...

Huh, well I guess that makes me a male.

The Minute Man's Wife said...

Oh wait... That was YOU behind me?? I guess now would be a good time to apologize for the dent in your front fender?

Coffeypot said...

Powder, if you are a male, then I'm gay.

TMMW, I hope your hearing wasn't damaged by my horn blowing so long.

Dazee Dreamer said...

I thought that we had discussed how it wasnt't nice of you to tell the blog world my secret. shame

The Minute Man's Wife said...

Was that a horn? I thought it was a passing train!! BTW... there's something for you in my last post.

myevil3yearold said...

Notice how there is no logging the entry into the checkbook register on the male side. Typical

~Kaydee~ said...

I really need to remove those cameras from my car...

Wrexie said...

I slide in sideways...get out of the car with one hand on my .40, scan my card with my other hand quicker than a one-handed poker- dealin' cowboy...and get my money and am off and in 3rd gear faster than the man next to me can even count his change. ;)

Coffeypot said...

Dazee, I’m sorry! It just slipped out.

TMMW, Thanks! I’ll get over there asap.

ME3YO, we save them and enter them in the register at night. All at one time.

Kaydee, I would like to see some of your camera footage…check out the places you hang…

Wrexie, Spoken like a true cowgirl. Calamity Wrexie!

The Restaurant Manager said...

Very funny! Thanks for sharing!!

Jamie said...

OMGosh this made me laugh. Sadly, so much truth to it, too.

Happy Friday! :)

Lickety Splitter said...

Geez, if my female hormones debilitated me anymore than they already do, I would just rip that ATM off the wall, and keep on going.

SY said...

Ouch I would get offended but this seems pretty accurate...

- Sy

Lisa said...

Have you been talking to my husband?
P.S. If you have a kid in the car you can make them get out of the car and go to the window for you.