Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Worst Analogies Found In High School Papers

“McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.”

“From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and ‘Jeopardy’ comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.”

“Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.”

“H spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.”

“Her date was pleased enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like ‘Second Tall Man.’”

“She caught your eye like one of those point hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.”

“The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.”

“Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.”

“Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access\\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\\flw.qudaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.”

“Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.”

"Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.”

“He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.”

“The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.”

“John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.”

“The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound oa thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.”

“The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.”


Travelin' Mike said...

Wow!! Very funny!!!!

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

I'm about to lose it. I love the one with the bowling balls, and the one about the 6'3" tree.

Anonymous said...

I might have had too much to drunbk but aI think the first one was actually very good.

Symdaddy said...

Almost as funny as one of those things stand-up joke tellers ... erm, tell. Almost made me roll over laughing like something that rolls over and laughs.

Mud Puppy said...

Mr. Coffeypot, you need to put that "share" button on the bottom of your posts like mine so that I can share your shit with all my friends...

Just sayin.


Mud Puppy

Yankee Girl said...

Those make me feel very, very good about myself.

suz said...

Poetry. Sheer poetry!

McGillicutty said...

Hilarious... and I think i have had too much wine cos i'm literally raoflmbfao...

Sandra said...

The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon...must ponder that but I suspect it's deep shit, man...and no, I'm not smoking pot.