How did I get in the hospital, you ask?
Well, I got home late last night and Judy, my wife, says "Where the hell have you been?" I replied, "I was out getting a tattoo!"
"A tattoo??!!??" She frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my pecker" I said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" Judy asked, shaking her head in disgust. "Why on earth would a retired accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, one, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand.
And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want."
I’m in the Grady Memorial Hospital, Critical Care Unit, Room 23.