Sunday, October 09, 2011

Political Correctness





















Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, changes have to be made in how we address certain people.  Therefore the following must be used:

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as ‘HILBILLIES’.
You must now refer to them as ‘APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

Georgians, Alabamans, North and South Carolinians will no longer be referred to as ‘REDNECKS’.
You must now refer to them as ‘SUNBLESSED-AMERICANS’.

Furthermore, this is how we will speak of Women and be politically correct:

She will not be a ‘BABE’ or a ‘CHICK’.
She will be known as ‘BREASTED AMERICAN’!

She will not be referred to as ‘EASY’.
She will be known as ‘HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBE’!

She will no longer be referred to as a ‘POLE DANCER’.
She will be known as a ‘VERTICAL STABILIZED ENTHUSIEST’!

She will not be referred to as a ‘DUMB BLOND’.
She will be known as ‘LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION HIGHWAY’!

She will not be referred to having ‘BEEN AROUND’.
She will be known as a ‘PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION’!

She will not be referred to as ‘A NAG’.
She will be known as ‘VERBALLY REPETITIVE’!

She will not be referred to as ‘TWO-BIT WHORE’.
She will be known as a ‘LOW COST PROVIDER’!

And not to be sexist in this notification, this is how we will speak of Men and be politically correct:

He will no longer have a ‘BEER GUT’.
He will be known as having developed ‘LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACIITY’.

He will no longer be known as a ‘BAD DANCER’.
He will be known as an ‘OVERLY CAUCASIAN’!

He will no longer be accused of ‘GETTING LOST ALL THE TIME’.
He will be known as the one who ‘INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS’!

He will no longer be referred to as ‘BALDING’.
He will be known as ‘FOLLICLE REGRESSING’!

He will no longer be accused of acting like a ‘TOTAL ASS’.
He will be known as developing a case of ‘RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION’!

He will no longer show ‘CRACK’ from his pants being too low in the rear.
He will be known as displaying ‘REAR CLEAVAGE’!

Now go forth and be correct in your references.

4 comments:

The Reckmonster said...

Funny stuff...oh, and a big, fat bird getting flipped to the whole idea of "political correctness." Or should I now say, a "one fingered salutation"????

Momma Fargo said...

Oy. I have a headache...or I am not clear minded...

LOLA said...

I like rear cleavage. It's better than saying plumber butt, which could be considered disparaging by plumbers, who somehow never manage to keep their pants up. As for me, I like to be called Sweetheart rather than babe, but two-bit whore suits me fine.

Love,
Lola

Coffeypot said...

Reck, I agree. Finger Flick works for me.

MF, Understandable...you are a blond.

Lola, I prefer Butt Crack...says it all.