Monday, October 17, 2011

Things You Will Never Hear A Southern Boy Say

The top 31 things that you will never hear a Southern boy say:

31. When I retire, I'm movin' North.
30. Oh I just couldn't. She's only sixteen.
29. I'll take Shakespeare for $1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won't fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
26. We don't keep firearms in this house.
25. You can't feed that to the dog.
24. That car is too old and unsafe to drive.
23. Wrestling is fake.
22. We're vegetarians.
21. Do you think my gut is too big?
20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
19. Honey, we don't need another dog.
18. Who gives a rat's ass who won the Civil War?
17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
14. Trim the fat off that steak.
13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
12. The tires on that truck are too big.
11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.
10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate
6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
4. I don't have a favorite college team.
3. You guys.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Becky Mae...darlin'


1. Nope, no more for me. I'm driving!


Stacy said...

Haha! I knew you wouldn't be able to resist this one. :)

The Writer Currently Known as Rory said...

I've done #11 and #15. I'm a disgrace of a half-Southern boy.

Coffeypot said...

Stacy, hell yeah. This is right up my alley. Thanks for sending it.

Rory, half is better than never.

Momma Fargo said...

Ok with all that. I want to know who the cartoon artist is that drew the perfect likeness of you with the kiss kiss

Coffeypot said...

MF, I posed for it but originally in the nude. But to fairness to all the husbands out there I had it airbrushed with redneck clothes. You women can only handle so much hotness before you totally turn away from you men. You're welcome, guys.

LOLA said...

Oh Baby, that's a great drawing of you. You always look so good, my southern boy.

Yankee Lola