Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Difficulties Of Learning English

















My blogger buddy, Cliff, over at Random Musings by Cliff (look on my blog roll on the left. I cannot do links anymore for some reason) goes though all his blogging peeps and repost some of the best stuff.  His astute eye for quality has caused him to even repost some of my stuff.  Brilliant man, that Cliff. 

Anyslalpontheback, below is one of his post about the difficulty of learning English.  I don’t think it’s that hard, though.  I’ve been speaking a form of it all my life.  But then I’m pretty dame smart…brilliant even.

Anyways, enjoy… 

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
22) I want it to be on record that I will record my record.

Also…

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
(Probably for the same reason that custodians don't cuss…or do they?)

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese!  So one moose, 2 meese?  Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible

Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

6 comments:

CI-Roller Dude said...

What's making it really hard for some to learn English is that the instructions for almost everything I see in Calif is written in English and Spanish....in many cases, it's confusing, or they don't have enough space to list the proper safety instructions in English.

Suz said...

This is awesome! The first part is going up in the bookmobile...

Coffeypot said...

Dude, Si!

Suz, I though of you when I saw this. You teachers appreciate or hate shit like this.

Coffeypot said...

Also, I went bass fishing using a bass guitar string.

The Reckmonster said...

I love stuff like this! But, I'm a big of a grammar dork...

LOLA said...

Well, all righty then.

Love,
Lola