Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Useless Knowledge - Again
















In keeping up with my efforts to educate and enlighten you as well as rounding out your knowledge base, I find it useful to know a bit of useless and trivial information.  So today's lessons are centered around…uh…stuff.

Let’s start off with New Years.  January 1st officially became New Year’s Day in the Western world in 1582, when Pope Gregory XIII adopted the Gregorian calendar.  Before that the New Year usually began in March.

The tradition of making New Year’s resolutions dates back to ancient Babylon.  Back then, they didn’t give a shit about losing weight, but, instead, resolved to return borrowed farm equipment.

Now let’s look at some necessary (???) studies.  Food scientist at Leeds University in England tested cooking temperatures and ingredients in order to determine the formula for the perfect bacon sandwich.  Their findings?  Thin, crunchy bacon works best.  Now wasn’t that worth a grant from the government?  Any Waffle House could have told them the same thing.

Also from England (a research mecca it seems) a study concluded that sword swallower's were at high risk for sore throats and internal bleeding…especially if they were distracted while swallowing the swords.  I also suspect that you would find the same or similar problems if the swallower wasn’t concentrating enough and took a bow before removing the sword.

And a Princeton psychologist argued that short, simple words make writers seem smarter than long words do.  The ironic name of the study?  “Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity.”

Finally, 1 in 200 kids is a vegetarian.  The other 199 are obese McDonald lovers.

Chuck Berry has a degree from Beauty School.

Astronauts do not snore in space.  Maybe that’s why Judy threatens to send me to the moon.

Ever hear of someone On The Lam?  Yeah, me, too.  The origin comes from the 1500’s where lam meant “to beat soundly.”  It was derived from the Norse word lamja, which meant “to make lame.”  By the 1800’s the meaning morphed to become slang for running away (especially from the police.)  Literally, beating one’s shoes against the ground as in running.

Flamingo’s build their nests with mouthfuls of mud.

I will wind up today's lessons by talking about pigs…not the one’s I met in bars late at night, but the real porker types who live in sty’s.

Pig squeals have been recorded as loud as 130 decibels, only 10 decibels lower than a supersonic jet taking off.

I CANNOT sweat like a pig because pigs do not have sweat glands.  They keep cool by staying in the shade or, only occasionally, rolling in mud.

And according to behavioral scientist, the pig is the smartest farm animal and one of the smartest on Earth after humans, primates, whales, dolphins, and elephants, but ahead of Democrats.

That’s if for today, Peeps.  Now go forth and show people how fucking boring you can be by passing this shit along.

You’re welcome!


5 comments:

Suz said...

I can't believe you didn't take this opportunity to discuss the pig's penis!

Lil Dreamer said...

Well, this certainly clears up how you knew that dolphins masturbate!

Coffeypot said...

Suz, a pig dick does not look like a cork screw, though it does look strange on the end. I use to have one. And a bull dick. When I was a supervisor for Coca Cola I had a slaughter house in my territory and they gave me one of each. They give them out as jokes all the time. I lost them somewhere in a move or two. They had a plastic rod down them to make them stiff.

Dreamer, I noticed you didn't comment on them on your blog. I watched a special on them once.

Venom said...

“Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity.”

I would absolutely have needed a dictionary to figure that one out. Geez louise.

Cookie Jar said...

Well, Ya learn somethin new every day :)