Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

I know y’all have been wondering how someone my age can still have sex.  I know you have been, but you are just too polite to ask.  It’s okay!  I don’t mind you asking.  In fact, I will tell you…

 

It revolves around a system I discovered while I was deep in my continuous search for tips to improve YOUR life.  So without further ado I give you the fruit of my findings.  Plus, if you are not sure you are growing old, I have some tips to help you decide.

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want...the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice. 

And the tips to help you decide if you are OLD…

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN…...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
‘Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all-nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You're not sure if these are facts or jokes.