Saturday, February 18, 2012

Lovemaking Tips For Seniors

I know y’all have been wondering how someone my age can still have sex.  I know you have been, but you are just too polite to ask.  It’s okay!  I don’t mind you asking.  In fact, I will tell you…












 

It revolves around a system I discovered while I was deep in my continuous search for tips to improve YOUR life.  So without further ado I give you the fruit of my findings.  Plus, if you are not sure you are growing old, I have some tips to help you decide.

1. Wear your glasses to make sure your partner is actually in the bed.

2. Set timer for 3 minutes, in case you doze off in the middle.

3. Set the mood with lighting.. (Turn them ALL OFF!)

4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

5. Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

6. Use extra Polygrip so your teeth don't end up under the 
bed.

7. Have Tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

8. Make all the noise you want...the neighbors are deaf, too.

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!

10. Don't even think about trying it twice. 

And the tips to help you decide if you are OLD…
















'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'

'OLD' IS WHEN...

Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

'OLD' IS WHEN…
...
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take a laxative today.

'OLD' IS WHEN...

‘Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all-nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.

'OLD' IS WHEN...
You're not sure if these are facts or jokes. 


9 comments:

Janie Junebug said...

Oh, boy. I can't wait for senior sex. Anything has to be better than what I'm getting now, which is NOTHING.

Love,
Janie

gayle said...

Loved it!!

Ragtop lady said...

thanks John, knew you would like that - and Janie, know what u mean girl- but believe me , it doesnt get better -

Beau's Mom said...

9. If it works, call everyone you know with the good news!!


So that's why you have never called me!!

Janie Junebug said...

Ragtop lady, I'm going to bed and never getting up again, except maybe to pee.

Love,
Janie

Trina said...

Hilarious!

j-tony said...

I must be old because I don't care where she goes as long as I don't have to go with her. :)

middle child said...

It's middlechild here. Somehow I wasn't following your blog though I don't think it has anything to do with you leaving comments. Also....you have that damn captcha thing!
DChanr? and Rustum with a ^over the 1st U. WTF!? I will give it a try.

Not So Simply Single said...

Hilarious...