Friday, May 18, 2012

Mental Health Hotline

Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline!

If you are Obsessive-Compulsive - press 1, realign the phone, press 1, straighten out the phone cord, press 1, wipe off the key pad, press 1…
If you are Co-Dependent - ask someone else to press 2 for you.
If you have Multiple Personalities - press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are Paranoid we know who you are and what you want. Stay on line and we will track you down.
If you are Delusional - press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are Schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are Manic Depressive it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.
If you have a Nervous disorder fidget with the hash key until someone comes online.
If you are Dyslexic - press 6969696969.
If you have Amnesia - press 8 and state your name, address, social security number and your Mother's maiden name.
If you have Bi-Polar, leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep or before the beep...Please wait for the beep.
If you have Short term Memory Loss - press 9. If you have Short Term Memory Loss - press 9. If you have Short Term Memory Loss - press 9. If you have Short Term Memory Loss - press 9
If you have Low Self Esteem, please hang up as all our operators are too busy to talk to you.


Janie Junebug said...

That's funny. But I'm so crazy I don't know which button to press.


klahanie said...

And if you have literal mind press the # key which will take you directly to a human who will ask you for your name, address and telephone number. Suddenly you panic because the human on the other end of the line now has your name, you are homeless and without a phone number...

lotta joy said...

I'll just wait outside next to the garbage can and hope for the best.

Not So Simply Single said...