Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Nursery Rhymes - Not The Way I Remember Them

Nursery Rhymes - Not exactly the way I remember them…

Mary had a little lamb,

She tied it to a heater.

Every time he turned around

He burnt his little…elbow.


Mary had a little pig,

She kept it fat and plastered;

And when the price of Pork went up

She shot the little bastard.


Mary had a little lamb,

Her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school with her

Between two chunks of bread.


Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard

To get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over

Rover took over

‘Cos he had a bone of his own.


Jack and Jill went up the hill

To have a little fun.

Stupid Jill forgot the pill

And now they have a son.


Jack and Jill went up the hill

To do what they shouldn’t outta.

They came down,

Jack with a frown,

And Jill with a dollar and a quarter.


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the King’s horses and All the King’s men

Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.


Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle

All over the bedside clock.

The cat thought it was fun

But died of electric shock.


Georgie Porgy pudding pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry.

And when the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too ‘cos he was gay.


There was a little girl who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

But when she was bad…

She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo and a sports car.


You have to be old enough to appreciate these.

If you don’t understand them, it’s because you’re too young!


lotta joy said...

Hey diddle diddle
the cat and the fiddle
the cow jumped over the moon
the neighbor boy laughed as he passed around his blunt
and the rest used a lighter and a spoon

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
His dick was long
Her throat was deep
So he kept her tied in his room

thank you. My work here is finished.

Yogi♪♪♪ said...

Birdie Birdie on the sill
Oh so quiet, oh so still,
Lured him in with bits of bread
Then I smashed his GD head

Marnie said...

I like your version better!