Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Man Humor

(He masturbates a lot - with both hands!!!)

This good old boy looked at my beer belly and sarcastically said, "Is that Bud or Miller?"

I said, " There's a tap underneath, taste it and see."


I was telling a girl in the bar about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling their tits.

"Really" she said. "Go on then...try."

After about 30 seconds of fondling she began to lose patience. "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday!"


I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look alright."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there."


I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table.

I said to her, "Nice legs!"

The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so?"

I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."


"Jesus loves you."

A nice gesture in church.

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison.


I got caught having a piss at the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud I nearly fell in.


"Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

"Do Not Enter!"


Janie Junebug said...

I'm surprised Judy lets you out of the house, Bad Boy. Don't pee in your new pool -- unless you want to chase away unwanted guests.


Coffeypot said...

AHA YES! The new pool that has developed a leak on the bottom behind the support let that make is impossible to stick a finger in with adhesive to fix it. After the rain I will have to drain some of the pool in order to fix it. SUX!

lotta joy said...

Oh Coffey, there's two rules in life, if you can't fix something by sticking your finger in it, it ain't worth it.

And it's always a happy day when you buy your first boat and a happier day when you sell your first boat.

Mystic Mud said...

Um wow - I haven't laughed this hard in a LOOOONG time!! I found you through Lotta Joy's blog:)

Not So Simply Single said...



T. Roger Thomas said...

I like these!

Momma Fargo said...

I couldn't get past the yucky picture. Ewww.