Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Punography














When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.


How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it!


I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.


This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.


I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.


I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.


They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.


PMS jokes aren't funny; period.


Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.


I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?


When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.


Broken pencils are pointless.


I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.


What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus!


England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.


All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.


I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded the dough.


Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.


Velcro - what a rip off!


A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.


Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!


The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault.



3 comments:

lotta joy said...

I love jokes like these. Then again, I always liked the mom and children jokes of the 60's. The kid would ask something and the mom would answer in the form of "shut up and drink your beer". NOT funny unless you actually remember one.

nevermind.

Coffeypot said...

But momma, I don't like walking in circles. Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor.

nahidworld said...

If you are looking for a joke that is going to reel in your friends, and have them hooked on puns, fish puns might be the real answer to your prayers. Why you are praying about fish, I’m sure I don’t know, so I’ll just assume it was for the halibut.