Friday, April 19, 2013

A Man's Fifty Shades Of Grey

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)
By Pam Ayres (Not Really)
By John Summers (For Real - Thanks John For Letting Me Know and For A Great Poem) 

The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,

I had a look inside her bag;
... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...

In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!

She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;

But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.

And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominater !!

Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,

I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit

I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!?

She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!

Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.


Janie Junebug said...

No 50 Shades of Grey in my house. I would never read anything that naughty.


Unknown said...

Not by Pam Ayres :) ... love th cartoon! .... by me .... see

John Summers

Unknown said...

... i meant ... i wrote the poem !


Unknown said...

No Janie, never!

middle child said...

Read the books and yup...the poem just about covers it!

Old NFO said...


lotta joy said...

Stud didn't really get that red spot on his nose from a cigar lighter. He stepped on my left boob and I have a mean right hook.

Aleta said...

Omg I'm in tears!!!

Anonymous said...

OMG!! Howling with laughter!!! I'm currently reading this book so it made this post even more precious!!