Thursday, August 29, 2013


Dear Employees:

It has been brought to human resources and management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversations with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 new and innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1. TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training.
    INSTEAD OF: You don’t have a fucking clue, do you?

2. TRY SAYING: She’s an aggressive go-getter.
    INSTEAD OF: She’s a fucking power-crazy bitch.

3. TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

4. TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
    INSTEAD OF: Fuck off asshole, can’t be done.

5. TRY SAYING: Really?
    INSTEAD OF: Well fuck me backwards with a telegraph pole.

6. TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
    INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.

7. TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF: I wasn’t there, not my fucking problem.

8. TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
    INSTEAD OF: The fuck you say.

9. TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented within the given time frame.
    INSTEAD OF: No fucking chance in hell will this get done by then.

10. TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I’ll try to schedule it in.
     INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn’t you tell me this yesterday?

11. TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
     INSTEAD OF: He’s got his fucking head up his ass.

12. TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
     INSTEAD OF: What the fuck???

13. TRY SAYING: Of course, I was going to be at home anyway.
     INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs fucking holidays anyway?

Thank you for understanding and cooperation.  
The spineless little shits should be pacified with this.


Paxford said...

Well That's Interesting! :D


Rita said...

I work on IT projects. If we have to start talking like that, we'd never get anything done. Oh wait. Projects never get done anyway.

Janie Junebug said...

That's exactly how I always spoke on the job. Maybe that's why I can't get another one. Or it could be that I'm old and not as cute as I used to be.


Old NFO said...

Hehehe, used a few of those myself...

Wrexie said...

Sounds like a catastrophic success.