Tuesday, January 14, 2014



1. Your houseplants are alive and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in the elevator
6. You watch the weather channel
7. Your friends marry and divorce, not “hook up” and “break up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payment goes up.
14. You feed your dog science diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is he whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 a.m. would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drugstore for ibuprofen and antacid.  Not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good shit”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25 When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking  “OH SHIT, What the hell happened?”


26. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old ass.  


Jess said...

I read the entire list, but didn't find anything about feeling blessed by being regular.

Ed Bonderenka said...

I resemble that remark.

Janie Junebug said...

Is that being a grown up or being old?


Phil said...

Many, many years ago, the National Lampoon magazine ran a similar list. Missing from yours is: Your friends children are becoming sexually attractive. Your toenails are yellow - and 1/4" thick.

suezoos1 said...

I may grow older, but I'll never grow up!

Old NFO said...

LOL, nailed my tired old ass you did... :-0

Momma Fargo said...

I am never growing up. Nice Mickey de Mouses.

Linda said...

Well, that cinched it. I am grown up or old and can go to my 50th high school class reunion, secure in the knowledge I deserve to be called ma'am.