Thursday, February 16, 2017

The Conspiracy of Getting Old

(Two Post In As Many Days... Oh The Wonder)

This is happening right here in our own country! 
We must put a stop to this immediately!

Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper, groceries are heavier, and, everything is farther away?  And y
esterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

People are less considerate now, especially the young ones.  They speak in whispers all the time, and if you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face!  What do they think I am, a lip reader? 

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age.  On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am.  Why, I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection.  Well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Everyone drives so fast these days!  You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them.  All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days, too.  Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 32 waist pant as a size 40?  Do they think no-one notices?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank.  Do they think I actually believe the number I see on that dial?  HA! I would never let myself weigh that much.  Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on.  But even the telephone company is in on the conspiracy.  They've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning: WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.  And if God wanted us to pop out of bed in the morning, he would have us sleep in a toaster.

And don't forget God gave us toes as a device to find furniture in the dark!



LL said...

Your blog post made my back ache just reading it.

I wish we had waffle houses here on the Left Coast. I'd go there and allow the awesomeness of the waffle and bacon overcome the pain of age. Alas, I have to go at it cold turkey.

Coffeypot said...

LL - It is funny no matter how active we are or how much exercise we do, old still gets the better of us. No, if you make it to the South East or GA, I'd be happy to treat you to some good WH waffles and stuff.

Janie Junebug said...

I swear my doctor is only twelve years old.


Coffeypot said...

JJ - Even the dashing heroes on the tv look like hith school kids. I have socks older than most of them.

Old NFO said...

Good ones! :-)

Jono said...

I was on to this when I noticed gravity was getting much stronger. Thanks for helping me understand that is a whole conspiracy.

sig94 said...

My get up and go got up and went and is now a half mile away giving me the raspberries. I shot it.

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