Sports Interviews

15 REASONS WHY ATHLETES CAN'T HAVE REGULAR JOBS:

How do the interviewers keep a straight face?

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skin's say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,"; Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treat us like mens. He let us wear earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regimen of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt.”

12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I asked him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

14. In the words of NC State great Charles Shackelford: "I can go to my left or right, I am amphibious."

15. Former Houston Oilers coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-bye."

I remember Dizzy Dean (old time baseball pitcher and announcer) breaking down and crying during one game over some reporter's comment about his use of proper English. He was upset that he was giving a bad image to the kids and beg them to do better in school so they wouldn't be like him. They don't make athletes like that anymore. But even ole Dizzy had his moments: While pitching for the NL in the '37 All Star Game, Dean faced Earl Averill of the AL Cleveland Indians. Averill hit a line drive back at the mound, hitting Dean on the foot. Told that his big toe was fractured, Dean responded, "Fractured, hell, the damn thing's broken!"

The Logic Behind Drinking Beer

One night at Cheers, Cliff Clavin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to his buddy Norm.

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members!

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine!

That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

Now here is some more logical reasons to drink beer...

Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, "It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."

Babe Ruth

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"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day."

Lyndon B. Johnson

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"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."

Paul Horning

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"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not!"

H. L. Mencken

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"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"

George Bernard Shaw

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"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

Benjamin Franklin

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"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

Dave Barry

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BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!

W. C. Fields

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Remember "I" before "E," except in Budweiser.

Professor Irwin Corey

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To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group Salvation in a can!

Leo Durocher

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All true and logical.

John Coffey

Korean War Anniversary

(Part of the Korean War Memorial, Washington, D.C.)

Today, 25 June, 1950, American entered a conflict (war) with the Chinese backed North Koreans when they marched into South Korea.

It has been 62 years for those veterans of the 'Forgotten War', but they deserve all the respect ever awarded to any soldier who fought for the United States of America.

Thank you, guys, and welcome home. South Korea is a thriving and successful country thanks to you and your sacrifices.

Well Done!

(Thanks to Jihad Gene for the reminder)

I Finally Did It!!!

After about a year of dread, fear, procrastination, and excuses, I finally bit the bullet and went to the ATM and withdrew the money…for my first tattoo.

It is my ships logo…The Fighter.

Didn’t hurt and now it feels like a slight sunburn.

Whatta ya think?