Sunday, July 08, 2007

More Rules For Understanding Men

The last post got a couple of comments that should be addressed. Nadine wanted to know if it was that simple. And Heidi said that men are so uncomplicated. Well, yes, it is that simple and yes, we are so uncomplicated. Below are a few more rules in understanding men other than all we think, want and breath is sex. Enjoy, and if you know anymore, let me know and I will add them to the list.

GUY RULES

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

1) Men are NOT mind readers.
2) Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3) Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5) Crying is blackmail.
6) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one! Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
11) If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
12) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
13) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
14) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
15) Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
16) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
17) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
18) If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
19) If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
20) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.......Really.
21) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
22) You have enough clothes.
23) You have too many shoes.
24) I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

6 comments:

Moxie said...

These types of lists always strike me as a bit limiting and rather sexist, whether it's about men or women. Honestly, though, a lot of them are fairly accurate.

The simplest rule for ladies to remember is this: let men be MEN. Don't try to turn them into women.

gawilli said...

Sleeping on the couch is like camping. I will have to remember that one. And let him know you said it.

coffeypot said...

moxie: of course it's sexist. Why else would I do it? And I agree. Women should let men be men. Take all the snorting, burping and farting as just endearing qualities (and quantities) of your man.

gawilli: Don’t tell him I said it. I didn’t! Honest! I passed along a list sent to me. It’s not my idea. Honest! Well, I agree with it, but I didn’t start it. Besides, I promised Sweet Tea that I wouldn’t enjoy sleeping on the couch. It’s not camping to me. It’s… okay! Tell him.

Pamela said...

moxie is correct... so much is a direct hit.

her indoors said...

bloody men uh you think you are so clever, you think everything is black and white uh uh! well you are wrong we women rule! and what we says goes just you go and ask Sweet Tea she will tell you! LOL

coffeypot said...

Chill, folks! It’s only humor. Yes, humor isn’t the same for all people. So here’s what you do. If you think it is funny, laugh. If you think it is cute, smile. If you do not think its funny – don’t laugh or smile. I’m not trying to make a social statement here. I have no desire to start a riot or instigate a war. I’m only adding a little levity into what many of you (according to your posts) consider a rotten day. Men and women are different in attitudes and feelings. Thank God! Men do tend to see things in black and white terms, whereas women tend to add drama and feelings to everything. So I will continue to enjoy and laugh at the “man bashing” humor that comes across every now and then. It is so much fun to laugh. I showed this to ST and she laughed, too. She knows the difference.